What is fair?

[Tyme2fish]

Re: What is fair?

From JB:Have you discussed this with her? What is her response to your reasoning?
Her response was, "I bought things for mom too." My jaw dropped with that repsonse. What things? Birthday and X-mas presents? Well then,I guess I deserve half of all the presents or "things" my sister bought for mom. I will never pursue that half of what she bought mom.

As far as our relationship, it was broken long ago. She has treated me like a red headed step child for the past 2 years. Reason? I don't know. I just know that I will not kiss her behind any longer. I've tried to maintain a relationship but a person gets tired of being treated like crap. She can keep the money. To me, she no longer exists.

 

[JustJason]

Re: What is fair?

I watched my own dad go through a similar situation with his sisters a few years back. The only thing i can tell ya... is that unless you man up and face this thing, its going to eat away at you year after year.
Don't even get into the game of "guessing" what your sister is thinking. Weather its your wife, your girlfriend, or your sister... men will never know what's in a womans head.
You need to sit down with here face to face (not on the phone). And lay it all out on the table. What the estate was, what the final settlement was, and what you put into the estate to make it what it was in the first place.
If she doesn't want to give you squat, then screw her, shes a greedy pig. At least you won't feel bad about not talking to her afterwards.
At the same time, maybe she doesn't know that you feel this way.
All i can tell ya.... is you never get what you don't ask for!!

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: What is fair?

We live 5 hours away from each other. A sit-down is out of the question.

 

[fishmen111]

Re: What is fair?

Let it go friend. As many others have stated, it is not worth it. I believe in VA, if your name is not on the deed and there is no will, probate will distribute between the survivors. It is admirable what you did and your repayment is paid in full with the knowledge that your mother was safe in her own home. You live each day knowing you did the right thing. Your sister lives her life daily by the examples you have given. You win regardless. Many will disagree, but DNA does not determine family. I have family I would like to kill, and friends I would kill for. Keep your chin up, remember who actually came out better...and let it go.

 

[cheburashka]

Re: What is fair?

For me, in situations like this it sometimes feels good to make some kind of gesture to close things off. I got hosed by a landlord who realized she could take my deposit and that I'd never take her to court. I felt bad, so I wrote her a letter basically documenting what she had done wrong, and letting her know that she'd get away with it, but that she should at least be aware of what she had done.

If it were me, I'd send sis documentation of all the money that I had put into that mortgage over the years, just to make it clear to her how much she had stolen from me. I wouldn't expect to get it back, but at least I could be assured that she knew, absolutely, that she was behaving badly. Believe it or not, even people like your sister can feel some guilt. They don't act on it, but they feel it.

Find a way to put it in the past. You did the right thing and your mom was better off for it. So were you from the sound of it.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: What is fair?

Just a curious side not T2F, Who paid the property taxes? In Ohio, your property can be taken out from under you if you are behind in your taxes. All someone has to do is pay the taxes on the deliquent amount and it is theirs.

If you had been paying the taxes and have proof,,,,,,and if the laws are like Ohio's,,,,,,you maybe the owner outright.. Just a thought to consider.......SS

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: What is fair?

Just a curious side not T2F, Who paid the property taxes? In Ohio, your property can be taken out from under you if you are behind in your taxes. All someone has to do is pay the taxes on the deliquent amount and it is theirs.

If you had been paying the taxes and have proof,,,,,,and if the laws are like Ohio's,,,,,,you maybe the owner outright.. Just a thought to consider.......SS

My mother paid the property taxes.

 

[arboldt]

Re: What is fair?

As most have noted, the money is gone, and it probably wouldn't be worth it -- emotionally at least -- to try and recover it.

T2F, you've indicated that you consider your sister as dead, now, too. But the other posts indicate that she may have initiated the break in relationships. Does she initiate any contact at all?

Unfortunately, every family has some members focused on themselves and related greed. In our family, there are still a few get-togethers, but there is still a coolness that results in (from?) long-term emotional and physical distance. I guess the physical distance makes it easier. We no longer bear animosity or remind the offender of the hurts caused. OH, we'll be friendly at an annual family get-together. We'll laugh together, but our paths just don't cross that often, and everyone seems comfortable with that. Have I forgiven them? I think so. Do I avoid them? No, but I don't go out of my way to get together, either.

The opposite of love is *not* hate but indifference.

 

[BF]

Re: What is fair?

Bummer situation. I understand your reasoning that the full value of the house should be yours, and don't disagree. But, I don't understand, has the estate already been settled? Or is that what you're in the process of doing? Maybe it's different down there, but my first reaction is that the real estate agent had NO BUSINESS dolling out the proceeds of the sale. It should've been paid into the estate. (?) It would have been good if a 3rd party person oversaw the estate, and you made your case to them, rather than dealing with someone who has some axe to grind, and obviously a big financial interest.

It sounds like Sis is not about to turn a new leaf and suddenly start being a bigger person. If you're not going to fight in court to get the whole value of the house that you paid for, how about trying to get reimbursed the amount that you paid in loan payments? The debt that your mother "owed" you for those payments would be part of the estate. That would be the first thing paid out of the sale of the house, then you'd divide the remainder in 2. Of course you'd still be getting $crewd... Reality is that if Sis has already been given a cheque for 1/2 the money (="bonus money"), it's probably already spent, and I'd expect she will fight any argument based on logic that means that she has to give you back any money. Still, I'd be fumin' at the real estate agent.... they had no business putting the money in her hands!