Would you just leave?

[Yacht Dr.]

Re: Would you just leave?

Nobody can say for sure m8..

Would I just leave..no..and possible yes..

Nobody here can build a good relationship councel.

I dont ask anyone for Anything in my relationships .. perioid. It mine and mine alone..

Asking to dump or keep a Heartfelt bond .. well its beyond Anything that outsiders Know about ( I KNOW ).

Wrong forum IMO.. just too much to ask.

YD.

 

[hrdwrkingacguy]

Re: Would you just leave?

I guess it's different for everyone, but for me as a person that takes time everyday to show my significant other that she is cherished...I would be gone in two seconds flat if she cheated on me...That kind of stuff doesn't just happen...You have to make a choice to cheat...For me at least there is no going back...

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Would you just leave?

My first wife cheated on me and I forgave her. She did it again years later and I filed for divorce. Leopards don't change their spots is what I learned.

Your actions or inactions may have been what contributed to the affair but it was her lack of ethics that let her go through with it and that can't be changed. If she was unhappy she should of spoken to you about it. If she did try to talk to you about things and you didn't reciprocate, well now you learned the hard way.

I would also never never have an affair with a married woman and would not want to be with a woman that ever cheated on a husband in the past. If she cheated on him, she will cheat on you!

Hope everything works out for you. I know what you are going through and it hurts like hell.

 

[tswiczko]

Re: Would you just leave?

WoW! That's a loaded question.

I can't say I could just walk away from such an investment. And I am not comfortable talking about such a personal subject even if I have prior experience with it, but a bad investment is a bad investment. Sooner or later you will probably have to cut your losses somewhere.

I would think an extended fishing trip were in order to contemplate the situation.

 

[puddle jumper]

Re: Would you just leave?

I guess the first question would be are you assuming she had an affair or you know for a fact.(I may have missed the answer to this question)

If you know for sure I would confront her on it and ask were she wants to go from there. Then base your actions on that. That does not necessarily mean what she wants but how you feel about the situation.

If your assuming make sure your facts are straight. Some times people are up to other things that look suspicious but are innocent. If in question ask her straight up. After all your man and wife and should be able to ask each other anything. Just be ready for the worst answer possible.

Just my input.

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Would you just leave?

My word of advice for anyone who may be reading this..Do not take your relationship for granted. Communicate with your partner.

Well said.

My favorite quote is "Choose wisely...treat kindly". If everyone went into a marriage with a wise choice of a spouse and treated their spouse with kindness, there would be a lot less divorces.

 

[fat fanny]

Re: Would you just leave?

Commitment is a word taken lightly by some people. There no excuse for ineidelity if someone plans to CHEAT (for the lack of a better term) they need to end the relationship. The heart will heal but the memory of it will haunt you when you look at them and the doubt will always be there!!!!!!!!!!

 

[floatingwoody2006]

Re: Would you just leave?

I guess the first question would be are you assuming she had an affair or you know for a fact.(I may have missed the answer to this question)

If you know for sure I would confront her on it and ask were she wants to go from there. Then base your actions on that. That does not necessarily mean what she wants but how you feel about the situation.

This is confirmed. She stayed home sick from work one day and wrote more than a few very telling e-mails under another hidden e-mail account to a co-worker. She has been confronted, and admitted ( after 2 full days of lying ) that she did in fact see this guy. I still have no idea the extent of it all, but from what i read, it wasn't good for me. She is acting like nothing ever happened with no outward effort to make things better. I know that inwardly she is a real mess, but she is just unable to discuss anything with me.

 

[perchin]

Re: Would you just leave?

Kick her to the curb... she is not even taking the time to talk about it And would I leave? Heck NO!!! You have been the provider the whole time, kick her self absorbed hind end out-ta there.

 

[Cofe]

Re: Would you just leave?

If she is a introvert like you say, and unable to discuss anything with you. She may have regrets about her fling, or contemplating her next move. You don't know. If you want to try your most to save the marriage, then make a appointment with a marriage counselor. Tell her your concerns and invite her to the counseling. She may decide to go with you after you have seen the councilor a few times. If you do your best to try to save the marriage, and it doesn't work. You can then be reassured you tried your best.

 

[floatingwoody2006]

Re: Would you just leave?

Wow..Bubba Aspec and company. I sincerely appreciate everything you all have written. This has been a difficult time for me, and for some reason i felt the need to post this on a public forum not designed to answer this. I dont have many outlets, and this forum has been a daily read for me for at least 8 years. This group of people i can be confident are among some of the best out there, and thanks again for your advice one and all. No reason to post any more to this thread..I believe it's all been covered. And it has helped me in some strange way to read all the thoughtful replies. If you are ever in maine, and the ice ever thaws, my door is open to one and all.

 

[paultjohnson]

Re: Would you just leave?

Every situation is unique. Have you been a perfect husband? Is your love for her as strong or stronger then the pain and anger you have right now? Im sure it hurts like Hell, I wish you the best............

 

[puddle jumper]

Re: Would you just leave?

Best of luck and I hope for the best out come for you and all involved.

 

[I Fish]

Re: Would you just leave?

Sorry this is late, as I just found the thread. I've read every response, but have a couple of questions as well as suggestions. Are you actually married, by law or common law, or is this a live-in situation? My suggestions are that you reach out to her friends and family. If her parents are still around, try talking to them. Maybe a close brother or sister. You are probably not going to get a lot of info from her friends, but, you never know. Also, a good relationship counselor may be able to help you with the right ideas and suggestions to get her to take part in the counseling. As for me, the things I would find most troubling are the facts that 1) she acts like it's no big deal, 2) will not participate in counseling, and 3) chose to go outside your relationship instead of trying to fix the one she was already in. To me, #3 is like buying a new car because the one in the garage has a flat tire. It's just not rational. Good Luck to you in whatever you decide.

 

[avenger79]

Re: Would you just leave?

guess it depends on how much you like that kicked in the stomach feeling you had when you found out. yeah I know about that.
i tried to forgive and forget, do it for the kids, life will get better method. now I'm 20 years into a deal I hate, every year you become more intertwined financially, friends think all is well, families become intertwined, every year you trust her less, and honestly care less what she's doing. you would think after many years and thinking all is well, (I doubt she is cheating now), life would be better. all I can say is from my experience you never forget and it never gets better, and one more thing, if they do it once they will do it again, especially if they were forgiven the first time.
i won't try to tell you what to do but, if you choose to leave, don't tell her right away. get your stuff in order, even if you're not married she can take a lot from you if you don't prepare. if you go, go fast and don't look back.

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Would you just leave?

My suggestions are that you reach out to her friends and family. If her parents are still around, try talking to them. Maybe a close brother or sister. You are probably not going to get a lot of info from her friends, but, you never know.

Do not do this. Those people's loyalty is to her. You need to speak to your friends. You also need to actually listen to them. They are the ones that know you the best and are in your corner.

 

[WIMUSKY]

Re: Would you just leave?

Do not do this. Those people's loyalty is to her. You need to speak to your friends. You also need to actually listen to them. They are the ones that know you the best and are in your corner.

Not necessarily. My brother inlaw got divorced. Her family told him, "what took you so long". Family members are not always in the spouses corner. Especially, if they're being honest with themselves and see the issue lies within their family. He still maintains a good relationship with her family to this day.

 

[eastont]

Re: Would you just leave?

I haven't read all the responses to your original post but if I can stick my 2 cents in....I caught my ex-wife cheating on me a few times and always forgave her...but I was the one who was the fool. She never stopped and even after we divorced and she was involved with someone else, she had to have some other man..........

I had a friend who was the same way, couldn't keep his pecker in his pants. It's a DNA thing..I think

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Would you just leave?

Not necessarily. My brother inlaw got divorced. Her family told him, "what took you so long". Family members are not always in the spouses corner. Especially, if they're being honest with themselves and see the issue lies within their family. He still maintains a good relationship with her family to this day.

Of course there are exceptions. There always are.

Basically, anything you say to her family, will get back to her. Not necessarily a good thing.

I am speaking from my own experience here as well as a few of my friends.

 

[I Fish]

Re: Would you just leave?

Do not do this. Those people's loyalty is to her. You need to speak to your friends. You also need to actually listen to them. They are the ones that know you the best and are in your corner.

I was speaking from experience. It worked for me. They gave me the info I needed to make the decision. You'd be suprised where some people's loyalties lay.