Ya Might be a Redneck ...

aspeck

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19,100
WARNING: IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT YOU PUT DOWN THE BEER CAN AND THE SHOTGUN BEFORE READING ANY FURTHER

Ya Might Be A Redneck Addicted To The World Of Computers If...

Yer computer stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's and cinderblocks.

Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin' organization.

Someone tells ya they're "locked up" and ya ask if they need bail money.

Ya've ever been too drunk to chat.

Yer screen saver is a confederate flag and plays dixie.

Ya think a harddrive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's.

Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.

Ya think a surge supressor is a pill for diarrhea.

Ya keep trying to figure out why yer scanner won't pick up police radio calls.

Ya think a megabyte is a new sandwich at McDonalds.

Ya have to ask someone how to spell LOL.

Yer stomach overlaps half of yer keyboard.

Ya try to figure out how to get yer empty beer cans into the recyclin' bin.

Ya try to turn on yer computer with the remote.

Ya try to figure out how yer floppy disk got hard.

Ya play frisbee with yer CD Rom's

Ya find yerself on the floor looking into yer "A Drive" yelling 'Give it back! Give it Back'.

When birds fly across yer screen an ya reach for yer shotgun.

Ya put a mousetrap on yer desk

Yer yards full of ol' computers stacked on cinder blocks.

Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.

Ya call tech support an ask where ta buy stamps fer yer e-mail.

When ya tern yer computer on ya say "Come OOOOOOON Betsy".

Ya think system wizard is a dude in a funny hat.

Ya think 64 M RAM is a nu big block engine fer yer pickup.

Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer is.

Someone tellz ya yer computer has a bug an ya reach for the can of Raid.

Ya think a mouse pad iz where Mighty Mouse and his cousins hang.

Ya go buy a surfboard to surf the net.

Ya think yer homepage is where ya really live.

Ya give Derections to a website that include a person, animal, or old barn.

Ya Think MB stands for "More Beer".

Ya wait fer the bluelight special at K-Mart ta buy yer puter.

Ya see the word Download, and take the shells out of yer shotgun.

Ya think the person that made yer keyboard was dumb cuz the letters aint in order.

Ya think pushing the delete key will make yer ol' lady disappear.

Ya think CD stands for Cow Dung.

Ya think IBM stands for "Idn't Betsy Marvelous"

Ya think GIF stands fer "Goodie It's Free"

Ya see the "shift" key and try ta figure out how ta change gears.

Ya put a quilt over yer screen when a make whoopee to yer ol' lady.

Ya wonder why yer screen saver ain't wearing a cape like that there superhero on the cartoons.

Ya think screen saver is a new flavor o' candy.

Ya think Geocities is a place ta buy lil cars.

Ya catch yerself tryin' to smell the lil flower on yer ICQ contact list.

Ya think the "A drive" is where ya park yer pickup.

Ya see the werd "Zip" and know why youz feelin' a draft.

Yer puter has a bumper sticker on it.

Part of yer puter is held together with duct tape.

Ya sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler fer another beer.

You's in a chat room and someone asks where yer from and you reply "My momma"

You sees the word "Website" and start looking for spiders.
 

JB

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Mar 25, 2001
Messages
45,907
Re: Ya Might be a Redneck ...

:) :)
 

External Combustion

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Messages
608
Re: Ya Might be a Redneck ...

Ya buy a UPS for your computer to save on shipping from E-Bay

All of the games on your hard drive involve shooting

You forward this to all of your buddies on your friends list and no one gets it
 

Bob_VT

Moderator & Unofficial iBoats Historian
Staff member
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May 19, 2001
Messages
26,064
Re: Ya Might be a Redneck ...

Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.

If there is a CD available it makes a perfect hamburger plate!! :D
 
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
1,790
Re: Ya Might be a Redneck ...

Ya might me a redneck if,,,,,,,,,,,,your drawers have skid marks in the back AND THE FRONT.........
 
Last edited:

JB

Honorary Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Mar 25, 2001
Messages
45,907
Re: Ya Might be a Redneck ...

You went to Victoria's Secret to get software?
 

Coors

Captain
Joined
Dec 8, 2006
Messages
3,367
Re: Ya Might be a Redneck ...

I always wondered why when I clicked on D drive, my beer holder retracted, making a mess.
I that D meant Deliver more.
 

v1_0

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Aug 27, 2007
Messages
575
Re: Ya Might be a Redneck ...

Y'all don't have it right:

ACTIVE DESKTOP: Caused from leavin food on yer puter desk.

BACKUP: What ya do when ya done run'd over a skunk in the woods.

BAR CODE: Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.

BIT: A wager, as in, "I bit you cain't spit that there watermelon seed across the porch over yonder longways."

BOARD: What ya git when ya aint bizzy.

BROWSER: What ya do when a purty gal walks by ya in the general store.

BUG: The reason ya gave fer callin in sick.

BYTE: What yer pitbull dun to cusin Jethro.

BYTE: Also the first word in a kiss-off phrase.

CACHE: Needed when ya run out of food stamps.

CHIP: Pasture muffins that ya try not to step in.

CHIPSET: Two piles of dung, usually cowpatties, sittin side by side.

COLD BOOT: How yer boots are in winter when ya first put em on.

COMPUTER TERMINAL: Time to call the undertaker.

CPU: When ya look down and see a cow pattie.

CRASH: When ya go to Bubba's party uninvited.

CURSOR: What some guys do when they're mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

DIGITAL: The art of counting on yer fingers.

DISKETTE: A female Disco dancer.

DOS: Redneck shorthand for: "Dont' own Squat"

DOT MATRIX: One of them kinky people in them X rated movies yer wife hid from ya.

DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when ya pull the trigger.

ENTER: Northern for "Y'all C'mon in!"

FAX: What ya lie about to the IRS, an yer wife.

FLOPPY: When ya run out of Polygrip.

HACKER: Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.

HARD BOOT: When ya wake up on the floor with a boot under yer ribs after chug testin grandad's latest batch for smoothness.

HARD DRIVE: Tryin to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

HOME PAGE: A map ya keep in yer back pocket just in case ya git lost out in the field.

INTERNET: Where cafeteria workers keep their hair.

KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the keys to the John Deere.

LAN: To borrow as in, "Hey Jim Bob! LAN me yore truck."

LAP TOP: Where the little kids & the cat feel comfy.

LASER: Someone less ambitious than you.

LINE IN: Whatcha do when you go fishin'

LOG ON: Makin' the wood stove hotter.

MAC: Big Bubba's favorite fast food.

MAIN FRAME: The part of the roof that holds the house up.

MEGABYTES: A day of good fishin'

MEGAHERTZ: How yer head feels after 17 beers.

MICRO CHIP: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.

MODEM: What ya do when the grass gits too high.

MOTHERBOARD: What Mama gets when she ain't got a boyfriend.

MOUSE: Fuzzy, soft thang ya stuff in yer beer bottle in order ta git a free case.

NETWORK: Scoop'n up a big fish afore it breaks the line.

NEWSGROUP: When the wives git together an gossip at the Widder Hawkins' place.

OFFLINE: When the clothes pins let go an the laundry falls on the ground.

ONLINE: Where ya stay when takin the sobriety test.

PROMPT: What you wish the mail were.

RAM: What ya drive if ya aint a Ford or Chevy man.

RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member what ya paid fer the rifle.

REBOOT: What ya do when the first pair gits covered with barnyard stuff.

ROM: Delicious when ya mix it with coca cola.

SCREEN: Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.

SCREEN SAVER: Repair kit fer the torn winder screen. It's also the paint ya put on your screen door when it begins to rust.

SERIAL PORT: A red wine ya drank with yer breakfast.

SPREAD SHEET: What Momma puts on the bed for a new boy friend.

SUPERCONDUCTOR: Amtrak's Employee of the year.

SCSI: What ya call your week-old underwear.

WARM BOOT: What ya wear on yer feet when it gits cold.

WINDOW: Place in the truck to hang yer guns.

WINDOW: Also what ya roll down when Jim Bob cuts a big un in the truck.
 
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