Alcohol and teens

[JB]

Re: Alcohol and teens

Nothing good can happen . . .

Don't agree. The effects of alcohol abuse are a major threat in adult life (and young adult life). Teen years are when we help our children learn how to manage/avoid that threat successfully. If we succeed, that is a good thing; If we fail. . . .people may die.

 

[Part-time]

Re: Alcohol and teens

When I was a kid I was not permited to drink or smoke.

My parents were straight up law abiding folks.

Yet I started smoking cigarettes when I was 12, drinking at 13.

The reason... it was fun because it was forbiden.

In the summer my friends and I would get drunk at a secluded place down by the lake.

Far from prying eyes or anyone that could have helped us had we gotten into trouble.

Lucky for us we never did get into any real trouble.

Considering we used to steel to get our booze.

In the winter we would go out to the ski hill after it closed after dark and have very liquered up tobogan parties.

Again, nobody was killed, just sh!t luck I guess.

Since I turned 19 I can count the times I've been drunk on one hand.

Being legal just took all the fun out of it I guess...

I do remember one time when there was a big search for a missing 17 yo girl.

3 days they looked for her.

The last time she was seen was leaving a party.

Her parents were very strict and she had been scared to face them so she hid in the neighbours shed for a bit.

She fell asleep and froze to death, not more than 50' from her house.

 

[MTboatguy]

Re: Alcohol and teens

Part-Time,

What exactly are you looking for in this thread?

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Alcohol and teens

Part-Time,

What exactly are you looking for in this thread?

That's what I was wondering too. Kinda hard to give advice for people on a blog site about a subject like this not knowing all the parties involved.

Maybe you should talk to the parents of the kids your kids are friends with to see how they feel about the subject.

 

[bassman284]

Re: Alcohol and teens

That's what I was wondering too. Kinda hard to give advice for people on a blog site about a subject like this not knowing all the parties involved.

Maybe you should talk to the parents of the kids your kids are friends with to see how they feel about the subject.

I thought it was pretty clear he was talking about his own kids and specifically NOT his kids' friends.

 

[coolbri70]

Re: Alcohol and teens

my dad let me drink as far back as i can remember, at least age 4, he was the president of a motorcycle club, he took me along on the back of his chopper to the clubhouse where we would hang out with guys named lizard, boss hog, wolfman, snake, grizzly, and skibo. they would give change and send me to the drink machine it was filled with beer, and with the permission of my dad they would tell me to get myself one too. i would drink, play in the bonfire, shoot pool with prospects, ole ladies, and the women from upstairs(i wasn't allowed up there, later descovered it was a brothel up there) i went to live with my mom when when i was 9, she left him to be like june cleaver, those are good memories with my dad but that was a different time

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Alcohol and teens

I thought it was pretty clear he was talking about his own kids and specifically NOT his kids' friends.

Read my post again.

 

[Part-time]

Re: Alcohol and teens

Part-Time,

What exactly are you looking for in this thread?

That's easy... just what worked and what didn't for the many that have been down this path before me.

My parents tried the hard line/absolute no with me and it didn't work.

Like I mentioned earlier. I was smoking at 12 and drinking at 13.

And I don't mean casual drinking... I would even drink at school.

What I didn't mention was that by the time I was 16 I was in trouble with the law and by 18 I was in jail.

I mellowed on the drink after I turned 19 and was out of jail but I got into way worst for the next 5 or 6 years.

The hardline "no" obviously was a big fail for my parents in my case, and I think wouldn't do any better for my son or my 15 yo stepdaughter.

Not to many people seem to aprove in the buddy parent system that I was kind of starting to adopt.

Is it because it failled miserably for their kids, or are they saying no just simply "because"?

I know there is no magic formula when it comes to raising kids...

But are they destined to go down the same god forsaken path I did no mater what I do???

 

[MTboatguy]

Re: Alcohol and teens

That's easy... just what worked and what didn't for the many that have been down this path before me.

My parents tried the hard line/absolute no with me and it didn't work.

Like I mentioned earlier. I was smoking at 12 and drinking at 13.

And I don't mean casual drinking... I would even drink at school.

What I didn't mention was that by the time I was 16 I was in trouble with the law and by 18 I was in jail.

I mellowed on the drink after I turned 19 and was out of jail but I got into way worst for the next 5 or 6 years.

The hardline "no" obviously was a big fail for my parents in my case, and I think wouldn't do any better for my son or my 15 yo stepdaughter.

Not to many people seem to aprove in the buddy parent system that I was kind of starting to adopt.

Is it because it failled miserably for their kids, or are they saying no just simply "because"?

I know there is no magic formula when it comes to raising kids...

But are they destined to go down the same god forsaken path I did no mater what I do???

Part Time, every child is different and none are destine to do anything without our guidance.

Now a days, things are real tough, and I am glad my children are in their late 20's, 30's and my oldest just turn 40, we didn't hide alcohol from them and they even drank once in a while when we were all together, one went through very tough time with both booze and drugs, he turned out great and is now a paramedic, married with two beautiful little girls. But ultimately, they are going to make their own choices for good or bad, no matter what we do.

Stick with it and be the best parent you can be, when they fall, pick them up and brush them off, when you need to be the bad guy, then be the bad guy.

Sit down and discuss what you went through, explain to them how it affected your life and then let them grow.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Alcohol and teens

A little and supervised at the larger family gatherings was our method. We are 5 for 5 with the success rate with our children to date. All now between 24 and 30.
Not saying that's the only way to do it, just saying what worked for Mrs Ken and I.
It's a tough decision what to do in my opinion.

 

[ezbtr]

Re: Alcohol and teens

When i was about 12 - 14 our family let us have one beer or glass of wine at Sunday meal time, no big deal. Sure we abused it just a bit as older teens and learned about hangovers etc, we just knew to not drive as well.

 

[Part-time]

Re: Alcohol and teens

I found some interesting info on another forum...

40 States That Allow Underage (under 21) Alcohol Consumption - Drinking Age - ProCon.org

 

[JB]

Re: Alcohol and teens

If we get into law or morality this thread will quickly go downhill and be deleted.

It is about parenting. Let's keep it there and keep it civil.

Thanks for your cooperation.

 

[jomoho]

Re: Alcohol and teens

Other than communion, no way.

 

[jkust]

Re: Alcohol and teens

I wouldn't let my kids drink at home...and besides the fun of drinking comes when your parents weren't around. As to the OP's story, some people have addictive tendencies where others in the same circumstances don't. Growing up in the sticks, we all used to drink as soon as we could drive as there were so many parties without neighbors nearby. It's just how things were. I certainly wouldn't have ever cared to drink around my parents without friends or female friends around. I had one friend with that addictive type personalitiy and he would bring it to school in a hair brush with a built in spray bottle and was pretty much always intoxicated it seemed.

 

[drrpm]

Re: Alcohol and teens

I don't have a problem with letting a teen have a glass of wine at a holiday dinner or special celebration. Arguements can be made for and against it. In the end its the parent's call.

 

[ehenry]

Re: Alcohol and teens

I guess the best thing you can do is lead by example. If you dont want your children to drink, you yourself shouldn't drink around them.

Myself, I did not lead by example. I drank beer in front of my son and offered him some which he declined. I dont know if it was the stigma of drinking in front of me or what. I know that he drank when he was not around us while he was in high school but he didnt develop a taste for it. After he went off to college he got a job as security in several of the bars in the town where the school was and eventually became a bartender at one of the bars.

He is 25 now and this is what he told me just last week while we were at the deer camp after I offered him a drink. He said "Daddy, after being a bouncer and having to deal with and lay hands on drunks for a couple years then being a bartender for 3 more years and having the responsibility of refusing to serve someone that had clearly had to much, I choose not to drink."

Funny how things turn out.........

 

[WIMUSKY]

Re: Alcohol and teens

"Just say no........."

Good story ehenry.

 

[glenn property of pam]

Re: Alcohol and teens

i was brought up in the uk and drinking wine with food was normal every sunday to be honest i never liked wine when i was young and to this day the only wine i buy is asti for the christmas dinner. my parents let me get timpsy around 14-15 years old at a family get together because they could supervise and they wanted to see how i handled being a little drunk while i was still easy enoght to control. It turns out im a good drunk unlike alot of people i have come across where a few beers turns them violent. I think its better to see a youth a little tippsy and miss-behaving then it is to see a 21 year old first time drinker getting out of hand. I use to go night clubbing at 16 and i would have a few beers most week end then at 20 i got drunk most nights for a couple of years which worried my parents. At 22 i guess i just grew out of drinking. I never drink alone so unless we have guest it very seldom i will drink and when i do drink its about the quality of the drink not the quanity any more. As for my kids drinking i have to say no because thats what florida says so its not worth the risk. If they ever change that then i would be fine in teaching them about drinking. kids will drink and if they can not get it at home they will get it some where else so i have at least set the ground rules for what type and what time is exceptable. If you are going to let the kids drink then teach them the diffrences instead of letting them have a beer make it more about having a 1/4 of a named beer then drink the other 3/4 your self and move on to the next brand so you are teaching them that theres more to it then quanity and the end result

 

[JoLin]

Re: Alcohol and teens

This is one of the toughest things parents have to face, and it always causes a (sometimes bitter) debate.

Linda and I struggled with this big time when our son and daughter were in their teens. We knew that If we forbade it outright at our house, the kids' parties would just gravitate to whoever's parents had the most permissive attitude and least supervision. That's the way it worked when we were their age, and the world doesn't change.

We WANTED our kids' friends to come to our house. I'll also add that our kids and their friends, were basically 'good'. They were all into sports big-time and decent students to boot, so we had an advantage that many parents don't.

By the time the oldest turned 17-18, this is what we did...

We allowed some beer at some parties. Anyone who drove to the house surrendered their keys at the door, and knew before they came that they were going to spend the night. All the keys went into my bedroom and stayed there until the next morning. We watched their consumption. Anyone who got too 'happy' was driven home. They knew that policy coming in, too.

There were other general house rules involving friends that had nothing to do with parties or alcohol, but they set the tone of the house. Anytime a friend came over, he/she was expected to seek us out and say 'hi' instead of just disappearing into the basement. My wife in particular always made them feel welcome, and we (mostly she) were a part of many late-night bull sessions with the kids.

Honestly, it was an exhausting few years, but ours was 'the place' for parties and get-togethers; and also a place for kids to 'cool off' for a few days when they were having serious issues with their own parents (always with those parents' knowledge, of course). Ten years later, those 'kids' still drop by occasionally just to say hello.

I wouldn't expect anyone to agree with the way we played it, but it worked for us. Neither of our kids went 'off track.'

My .02