Alcohol and teens

[korygrandy]

Re: Alcohol and teens

Don't agree. The effects of alcohol abuse are a major threat in adult life (and young adult life). Teen years are when we help our children learn how to manage/avoid that threat successfully. If we succeed, that is a good thing; If we fail. . . .people may die.

Going to have to agree with you here. I was an addict for 10years, I drank from 18-28. My folks didn't drink and I didn't even know what alcohol was until I was offered it at my super square friends house by his older brother. Is it odd I can still remember my first swig I was I think 15 but it was nasty I spit it out...and I had a tough time drinking beer when I was 18. I started with coolers and graduated to beer, then when I went through a health-kick in the military it got worse as I subsitited the beer calories for liquor...to stay in shape.

My two older sisters are not alcoholics, my mom and her entire family are and my mom did the best she could to try and explain why she was an alcoholic and to steer me away but mind over matter prevailed for me.

I was a high-functioning alcoholic as well, I successfully owned and ran 2 businesses while being drunk almost everyday.

If it were my children, being through what I've put my whole family through and such and only being 31 right now, I would approach alcohol as if it was your entire families heirloom, or your child's trust fund in simpler terms.

Alcoholics are alcoholics and one can argue its an addiction thing or a disease, I say both but if you are setup for failure from the get-go its gotta be even tougher.

My poor mom, I put her through hell she would stay up late at night waiting for me to call her so she could come pick me up just because she was worried I would do something dumb...and alcoholics do a lot of dumb things for attention.

My dads intervention was sitting with me in my garage watching me drink an entire liter of southern comfort 180 proof thinking, well if he wants to smoke a cigerette Im gonna make him smoke the whole pack. That didn't work and I just scared the hell outta my dad when he realized I was still awake after that much alcohol and he kinda dropped the whole "you need help crusade" as I think he was actually just hopeless.

Me and my fiance' watch the show intervention a lot, and for me it's a soothing reminder of how life could be as my story was a dead ringer for most of the alcoholics they show on intervention. My mom refused to pick me up anymore late at night even though it killed her not knowing if I would call the next day to apologize for my late night drunk-dialing. My older sisters and my ole man refused to take my late night drunk-dialing phone calls, and they refused to allow me to have alcohol around there children.

Rockbottom for me was when I came home February 17th 2010 and the love of my life was gone and so was the dog. I was so drunk I noticed her car was gone and the dog was gone but it wasn't until I woke-up midday that I realized she had taken mainly all of the things that she cared about out of our home. I had completely forgot about her on Valentine's day, even though I had spent $800 in downtown Minneapolis on my final hoorah not realizing all the couples enjoying there love of each other together!

I called up my best man, he came over and I was naturally out of sorts and ready to call it quits. He literally restrained me physically until I was so exhausted I just gave up and stopped trying to get to my frig for that booze. The next day I made an appointment with my sisters help to get evaluated for alcoholism. I went to Hazelden's website (A renown treatment facility here in Minnesota) and took a short assessment online and realized, if the renown treatment facility Hazelden was assessing me as an alcoholic I better get a second look.

I was able to get an in-person evaluation by another treatment facility that asked me some very tough questions. At this point I had unknowingly decided I was done lieing to myself and I was as honest as I've ever been with this women. I was booked into a treatment facility and the rest is history. I was given the tools and the knowledge and the power to control my disease and addiction and I haven't had a sip of alcohol in 34months.

At 18 you think you know it all as a man but I would beg to differ. If/when I have children I will be more involved in there lives at 18 than my parents were with me...every one of them too. I had a lot of loose rules but I was really rebellious so I understand how my folks struggled to relate and get me to communicate effectively with them.

Thanks for listening guys and please be responsible with alcohol or you might find yourself 10 years down the road wondering what happened.

On a side-note, I was physically close to death I am certain. I had constant heartburn I "thought" was under control but it wasn't until I sobered up and realized I could live a life without heartburn and just the general nonsense that comes with being a drunken alcoholic.

P.S: As a present to myself, I bought that boat you see in the signature with the cash I saved from the booze. And now I have made many new friends in the online boating community, and on the lakes. Owning a boat was my dream as a boy, alcohol put a road-block on that dream and when I removed that road-block...surprisingly my dream came true.

P.P.S.: Naturally the dreams just get bigger and I now just want a bigger boat...but hey why not I earned it!

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Alcohol and teens

WOW!! korygrandy thanks for sharing you story. And here's to your continuing success in sobriety.

 

[korygrandy]

Re: Alcohol and teens

This is one of the toughest things parents have to face, and it always causes a (sometimes bitter) debate.

Linda and I struggled with this big time when our son and daughter were in their teens. We knew that If we forbade it outright at our house, the kids' parties would just gravitate to whoever's parents had the most permissive attitude and least supervision. That's the way it worked when we were their age, and the world doesn't change.



We WANTED our kids' friends to come to our house. I'll also add that our kids and their friends, were basically 'good'. They were all into sports big-time and decent students to boot, so we had an advantage that many parents don't.

By the time the oldest turned 17-18, this is what we did...

We allowed some beer at some parties. Anyone who drove to the house surrendered their keys at the door, and knew before they came that they were going to spend the night. All the keys went into my bedroom and stayed there until the next morning. We watched their consumption. Anyone who got too 'happy' was driven home. They knew that policy coming in, too.

There were other general house rules involving friends that had nothing to do with parties or alcohol, but they set the tone of the house. Anytime a friend came over, he/she was expected to seek us out and say 'hi' instead of just disappearing into the basement. My wife in particular always made them feel welcome, and we (mostly she) were a part of many late-night bull sessions with the kids.

Honestly, it was an exhausting few years, but ours was 'the place' for parties and get-togethers; and also a place for kids to 'cool off' for a few days when they were having serious issues with their own parents (always with those parents' knowledge, of course). Ten years later, those 'kids' still drop by occasionally just to say hello.

I wouldn't expect anyone to agree with the way we played it, but it worked for us. Neither of our kids went 'off track.'

My .02

Yepp, just as my parents acted as well. They tolerated parties at there house, had all my buddies over, they were happy because I was at home safe and so were my friends. My friends still stop by occasionally to see my Mom or Dad and all have very cordial if not super friendly relationships with my mom and dad. They would say hi to Mom, and THEN go to the basement to drink with me haha.

I am by no way blaming my parents for being tolerant, or accepting underage drinking because they picked the pretty typical path. None of my friends are alcoholics besides me but if I were to change something different, it would've been listening to my parents when they said "I wish you wouldn't hang out with those guys so much and hang out with so and so some more."

Unfortunately I will see my friends pass early in my life, I have already been counseled to help manage this. There still great dudes and I love them!

 

[korygrandy]

Re: Alcohol and teens

I guess the best thing you can do is lead by example. If you dont want your children to drink, you yourself shouldn't drink around them.

Myself, I did not lead by example. I drank beer in front of my son and offered him some which he declined. I dont know if it was the stigma of drinking in front of me or what. I know that he drank when he was not around us while he was in high school but he didnt develop a taste for it. After he went off to college he got a job as security in several of the bars in the town where the school was and eventually became a bartender at one of the bars.

He is 25 now and this is what he told me just last week while we were at the deer camp after I offered him a drink. He said "Daddy, after being a bouncer and having to deal with and lay hands on drunks for a couple years then being a bartender for 3 more years and having the responsibility of refusing to serve someone that had clearly had to much, I choose not to drink."

Funny how things turn out.........

The guy who saved my life is a spitting image of your son and I commend him and your son. My friend spent years at a downtown hotel kicking drunks and kids out of the hotel, only to one day be telling me, his best friend "I am not letting you take another sip, it's not going to happen Kory, not while I'm hear and I ain't leaving anytime soon."

He too has lost his desire to drink after controlling the downtown drunks for years.

 

[09zkrankin]

Re: Alcohol and teens

coming from the perspective of a 22 yr old, i had my first drink when i was in 7th grade, it was at a buddys house and his parents, although they were very productive and wealthy with very good jobs, were to drugged and drunk to know what we were doing. i didnt drink much more til my freshman year of highschool when i started dating a senior and hanging out at partys and stuff. i had a few scary moments waking up not knowing where the hell i was, then even more scared once i realized where i was. that lasted about 6 mos, then i went quite a while again without any heavy drinking, my parents got divorced my junior year in high school and i took it pretty rough, i was put in the middle of everything and drinking ended up being my way out. my mom found out i was drinking and i bothered her at first then she decided to take the same route as others here have and let us drink at the house. she always kept a close eye on us and made sure we didnt drive. i have been able to buy alcohol since i was 16, just always looked older, so she knew that i was going to get it and party whether she liked it or not so better off that i do it at home. i met a girl and had another bout of not drinking heavily for about a year, but while we were together i had gotten invloved in the biker life, so when we split i went buck wild, i probated and patched with an m/c, and went heavily into party mode. i was working from mon-thurs, and i would start drinking right after work on thursday and roll into work monday morning trying to sober up. i was bad off at this time and everyone was telling me so but i didnt want to hear it. i would stay away from home for days, ride my motorcycle drunk, life was just one big party. now mind that through all of this i always had a job whether i was working on a farm or doing construction. and i managed to finish high school as well as put myself through tech school. One day i was sitting in class in tech school and i got a text from a friend of mine saying that the guy that threw the 1st party, where i had my first drink had overdosed and died the night before and his parents found him dead. that was a wakeup call i really needed. he and i had grown apart and didnt talk much because he had let the drugs take control of him, but it made me relize we arent invinvible. i still have a beer with the guys, or will get a little wild at biker parties from time to time, but drinking every weekend lost its luster. all of this happened before i was ever legal and by the time i was legal it want a big deal that could drink there for i dont go out to bars and make an *** off myself like some of my buddies do. i have a full time job and do very well for myself so i guess in a way everything worked itself out

 

[korygrandy]

Re: Alcohol and teens

WOW!! korygrandy thanks for sharing you story. And here's to your continuing success in sobriety.

It was my pleasure. As I said its therapy for me to discuss it, but I do believe this is the first time I've typed it out in a forum lol. I just wanted to give the OP the knowledge and perspective from an alcoholic.

If I can help one person understand who struggles with addiction, or knows someone or loves someone who is struggling it helps me sleep better at night.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Alcohol and teens

Kory, as one who counsels others, thank-you for your insight and perspective. I know I sure appreciate your honesty with battling this addiction.

 

[Part-time]

Re: Alcohol and teens

I just wanted to give the OP the knowledge and perspective from an alcoholic.

If I can help one person understand who struggles with addiction, or knows someone or loves someone who is struggling it helps me sleep better at night.

Thanks Kory...
And thanks to everyone that shared there experiences.
Like I said earlier, I had a little bout with alcohol untill I turned of age, 19 here in ontario.
I was just being rebelious, although it did get me in trouble with the law, bad judgment call when drunk...
But I was never adicted, when I was done with the booz that was it.
Only thing is I was even more rebelious when I got out of jail than I was when I went in and got into the harder drugs.
A few years of that and I realised my life was passing me by so I quit, just like that.
In my 20's I worked in bars as a dj, doorman, bartender, so I relate to a few other stories on here as well, and I got to the point where the smell of beer and the site of a drunk just revolted me.
I went ten years or so without drinking at all.
Now I'll have one or two, every so often. A case can last over a month easy in our beer fridge here.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Alcohol and teens

I guess the only problem I have with the following reasoning: "A kid is going to try it anyway, so let's do it where we can manage it" is that what you are essentially saying is that kid, or person, has no self-control and no ability to say no. Just because "everybody does it" doesn't mean everybody HAS to do it. I never had a drink of alcohol till well after I was of legal age, and then I did not enjoy it and haven't had any since.

Just make sure you are not "assuming the worst" behavior from your kids. Expect the best, and work towards that end. You might be surprised at what you get in return!

Hope this makes sense ...

 

[WIMUSKY]

Re: Alcohol and teens

It makes perfect sense. I could never understand the logic behind "they're going to do it anyway, so do it at home so I can monitor you...." Not every kid is out there drinking or ever will be...... Start them at home and there's a good chance they will be drinking in the future...

What else should we assume "they will be doing anyway"? Should whatever that is be allowed to be done at home so they can be monitored? Just something to think about........

I read this:
This is one of the toughest things parents have to face, and it always causes a (sometimes bitter) debate.

My daughter is 16 and this issue isn't even on the radar. It's been discussed, but more from the point of view that if she's ever at a party(b-day usually) and she see's kids drinking, to call us or leave. She seems to be completely down with that..... Heck, she thinks kids holding hands in school is disgusting....

 

[NYBo]

Re: Alcohol and teens

Thanks for your candor, Kory.

It's important to understand the genetic/familial link for alcoholism when trying to figure out how to deal with your kids. My grandfather was apparently the stereotypical Bowery drunk, and my father was also an alcoholic, albeit a much more functional one. Both of my siblings became alcoholics too, so I have had to be very careful. After a somewhat wild college career (in those days, the college sponsored keg parties), I have been very vigilant to prevent sliding down that slope.