Re: ...and she's finally in the driveway!
...and I passed the safety course with flying colors. Took the multi-choice test in about 1/2 the time as the next person and missed 4 out of 60. I always figure, on tests, I either know it or I don't...no use dwelling on answers I probably don't have.
Our safety course was in a local bar/catering hall. They served beer if you wanted it. So, we got there at 6:30 and had a beer. Took a break to eat at 8 and had another beer. We had one final celebratory beer right before we left the bar and then drove home.
The place is out in the middle of nowhere, and we were driving home a long and lonesome road. I saw a car coming the other way and noticed it was a police officer as they passed. Then, I noticed they immediately put on their brakes as they passed. Dang. I looked down to see how fast I was going (5 under the limit...deer were everywhere) and noticed the high beams were on. Double dang.
So, he whips a u-turn and comes up behind me. My foot is shaking on the pedal and I'm doing math in my head.
Ok, you burn off a beer an hour, we were there for 3.5 hrs, I had 3 beers...I should be good, right? I hope I'm good. No, I have to be good. Oh damn, there go the lights.
I pull over, go to find my paperwork (wife's car, so I don't really keep up on it...although I try). license...check...reg...check...insurance...09...triple damn.
He asks for the paperwork, I explain the insurance. He doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. He grabs his radio and says, "I'm going to need another car here." Quadrupledamn!
"Sir, can you please step out of the car?"
"Uhm, sure, sir. Might I ask what I was doing?"
"Well, you almost blinded me when you passed and when I turned around I noticed your license plate marker light was burned out." MEGADAMN!
Anyway, he goes on to ask if I was drinking, I explained the situation, the time, probably way too much information for him. He asked if I had eaten, I told him about the nachos and the potato skins, he asked if that was it, I told him they were nachos grande because they were pretty big. Anyway, I do the follow the pen with the eyes thing and then he goes over the standing on one foot and counting one-one-thousands.
So, I ask him to repeat, so I get the right foot and all. About eleven-one-thousand I start getting a little shaky and wonder how far we'll go.
By fifteen-one-thousand I'm thinking that the next step will probably be the alphabet backwards and so I start worrying about that.
At seventeen-one-thousand he says, "Ok, that's enough. You can go."
I'm baffled. "Go?"
"Yeah, you seem fine to me. Please just get that paperwork in order and fix that light."
"Yes sir. Thank you sir."
I get back in the car and drive home the rest of the way. Would I have passed the breath-a-lizer? I don't know. I don't want to know. Lesson learned, point taken.
The whole time, too, I was just thinking about how that would have been the end of boating. I would probably have had to sell my new, never even driven boat to pay for the legal fees, and even if I didn't, I'm sure my boating license would have been yanked, too.
But...I passed the test with flying colors and am hoping to go out this weekend...beer will stay home.
