Caught my woman talking online.cheater

[Gary H NC]

Well i got a shock today,
I have noticed she has been acting strange,
Well curiosity got me to check her email inbox.There it was,Guys names and numbers.Also found her profile on a dating service.
She won't admit to it and got mad when i confronted her.
we are engaged and have been together for 6 years.
I'm a pretty tough guy but this is killing me.
I treat her like gold and don't know what else to do.
We had a big holiday weekend planned.Should i try to repair the damage or give up?
I consider you guys in the forums as friends and would like some advice..

 

[Boomyal]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Awe Gary, that's a tough one. Very sad to hear. The only advice I can offer is that if she is not willing to acknowledge the issue there is not much you can say or do. Your options, as sad a they may be, are much better now than if you were already married.

I would not hesitate to say, if she's not willing to discuss it, there is no point in going on. Whatever you do, do not carry through your holiday plans under the present circumstances. That would be a disaster you would regret.

 

[Gary H NC]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Thanks Boomyal,She wants to sit down and talk over dinner tomorrow.But i still think she won't admit to the online stuff. She swears she still feels the same about our relationship...
I just got the feeling she may be the type of woman who gets bored in a relationship and i'm just now finding out.
As you can tell,i'm up late and can't sleep...nerves will do that i guess.
It's good to have friends like all of you.

 

[Bassy]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

I'm so sorry to hear about this Gary. I'm a woman and know from first hand experience that if our other half is tempting themself now, it'll get worse. If she can't totally put your fears at ease and give you all that there is to the truth of this matter then there is nothing to build a furthur relationship on. I gave mine a 2nd chance(stupid thing to do). My experience was I always was wondering and that is just so hard to live with. Thank God I didn't marry him. I walked away and found my husband 6 months later. Once a cheater always a cheater is what I think. But this is just one opinion. You do what you gut tells you. It won't fool you.
Bassy

 

[Gary H NC]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Thanks Bassy,Nice to have a womans view on this subject.
I was single for four years before her after a cheating wife.i was married to for 12 years,
just the thought of starting over again after the healing process is going to be hard.
She always swore to be truthful with me no matter what.
thats what really hurts,i could take it better if she would just confess to it.
I'm 42 and the dating thing just scares me to death...:/

 

[Bassy]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Hey, I'll be 42 Sunday. Its a nice age, isn't it?
Back to the subject... If you can work this out I'm happy for you, but if she won't talk about it there is something she's ashamed of and its probably not good.
My husband and I made a deal about 3 months into our relationship(we dated for 3 years)... Do not put each other's feelings in harm's way. Its been a good deal and neither of us has broken it. We know its over if either of us do. Period, no discussion. Did she put your feelings in harm's way? If so tell her and don't accept anything but what is right for you. Good luck. We're all pulling for you.
Bassy

 

[Gary H NC]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Thanks Bassy,Yes i told her she crushed me.
We made the same agreement at the begining.
I told her she really hurt my fealings.she said she didn't know what i was talking about.
I didn't tell her i read her email,that i just found her profile on yahoo personals..she used an Alias name but i know it's her.So i made up a fake profile and ask her to send me her pic..that way i have hard proof without letting her know i was snooping in her email.
Was i wrong for doing that? If she sends a pic then i have proof she can't deny..

 

[gonefishie]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

I'll just straight up tell her about the emails Gary. If she says anything about you snooping, you shouldn't feel bad, she did the worst deed then you. If you treated her like gold and she cheated then you should just walk away like she had just lost everything that was good to her in her life, and she knows it, with your head up high. Be confident that you are the best thing that ever had happened to her. Drops her like a bad habit. Women can sniff out confident like a bloodhound and you won't have trouble getting a girlfriend. Some people are cheater by nature, which you can't help. Some may cheated because of certain factors in the relationship. I suggest that you take a look and make the neccessary change in your next relationship. Good luck buddy, I feel for ya.

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Question? Can you ever trust her again? If not; run ,not walk away.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary, I hate to say it, but the trust factor is gone and once it is, it will never be repaired.
It will sit at the back of your mind and drive you crazy.

 

[rottenray6402]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary, I'm sorry, I've been there and done that. I have been through the same thing you are experiecing and even though it feels like your world is crashing (6 years is a long time with someone) this is a blessing in disguise. I went through this with a woman I "thought" I loved and after she dumped me in the dirt like your's did I felt betrayed, hurt, angry, and all of the stuff you go through. Anyhow after a healing period I figured out that the relationship wasn't that good to begin with. I found out through a mutual friend that a woman I used to work with was now divorced and since we had been friends at work and liked each other as friends I asked her out. We have been together for over a year now and it gets better every day! I'm older than you and am just now finding out what a good relationship is. Good luck my friend and one thing you have to ask yourself is "if you do get back together with her would you ever be able to trust her?" I know I asked myself that question and the answer was NO! This to shall pass.

 

[rottenray6402]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

One more thing.... the sleepless nights will go away also. Just don't jump into another serious relationship until you have had some time to heal and get your emotions calmed down.

 

[clanton]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Single after 48 year marrage, it gets better every day.

 

[Elmer Fudge]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Thats a real bummer

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

I have to disagree with some of the posts here gang. I cheated on my wife. She took me back like a fool. I admitted my mistakes. I have done everything I can to prove myself worthy of her forgiveness. Life is still hard for both of us due to it. That was almost 5 years ago. It will work if both of you want it to. IMHO it doesn't sound like she is ready to accept her relationship with you. I say move on.

 

[alden135]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Dump her now, before she takes half your stuff later..............

 

[Stratosfied]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary,
I'm 42 also and in'99 found that my wife (now EX), had been doing the same thing, sending e-mails and phone callls and actually went 'riding' with the fellow on at least 3 occasions. Like an Idiot, I took her back and the thing is she felt like she had done nothing wrong, but the thought of it always was in the back of my mind.

Fast forward to 2005 and last summer she started to act differently and she filed for a divorce. I actually found her in bed with someone else and I lost everything that I worked for.

Maybe you can work it out, you and she are the only ones who can answer that. It's very easy to forgive, but dern hard to forget.

 

[Gary H NC]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Thanks Everyone,
It helps to have friends and get some different point of views on this.
I had a long sleepless night over this.
Well now she must be feeling guilty,She called me first thing this morning to say she loves me?
I wanted to say YOU F-ING LIAR!!! but i held my tounge.
THe trust thing is a huge issue,I don't think i can ever trust anything she says again.
If she was to fess up and tell the truth i'm not sure i could still forgive her.
I travel for my job for a couple weeks at a time and i know i would be worried everytime i leave town.
This is a tough thing but i'm afraid i'll have to let her go..
Thanks again everyone,It helps to talk about it.

 

[Gary H NC]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

By the way...HAPPY BIRTHDAY BASSY!!
sorry i missed that in your post..my mind was elsewhere as you can imagine..

 

[QC]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

With your travel deal, this won't work. I travel a lot. If there was any trust issue with my other half, I would drive myself crazy . . . Not worth it. You need a life, and that sounds like a really sucky one to me :/ (I have no idea if this is the right emoticon, but it should mean a combination of bummer and worry)

Maybe there is hope, but the travel thing makes me really concerned. Good luck!!!