Caught my woman talking online.cheater

[aspeck]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary, my travel has taken me away from my wife for up to 6 months at a time. I can tell you that if there were trust issues between us, it would be a horrid 6 months! A relationship needs to be build on trust.

Trust cannot be given, only earned. One man explains it as adding change to your pocket. We are in good standing when the other person has more change (or trust) in their pocket than the mistake we just made. It sounds like your woman just spent all her trust. That doesn't mean the relationship has to end, however.

You can start building trust back. However, this needs to be mutually beneficial. If you are not getting the honesty and responses that you need, then, well, she will not be adding any more trust to her bank.

You need to examine the relationship first. Know what you need out of it, and also what you want. Then you be honest with her (also be honest with her about the email thing). If she can't give you what you need, then back off and give yourself time to heal.

By the way, a very good friend of mine cheated on his wife. They were seperated for 2 years while he lived with the other woman. He wanted to come back and she agreed - but they started by dating. There was no intimate relationship - only a time of courtship and rebuilding of trust. Then they resaid their vows and went on a honeymoon. That was 20+ years ago. Their marriage is better today than it ever was. So, yes, you can rebuild trust, but you both have to agree to do it, and for the right reasons.

 

[Bob Fort]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

I have a thought that a short-run high intensity resolution to a problem is preferable to a long-term nagging ache!

Best of luck as you work your way through this dilemma.

 

[Gary H NC]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

All good points guys,
I decided we would try to talk this weekend.If she won't admit the email stuff(which i found out she is meeting guys after work for drinks and has been doing so for awhile)...if she won't come clean then i'll never trust her again.I may not even if she does tell me.
Sometimes i think i'm too good of a detective! I have found out so much more today it is killing me.
I knew something was wrong about 2 months ago but then she acted fine again...This is so frustrating!!!

Thanks for all the advice! And for letting me vent my anger!

 

[rottenray6402]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

There are women out there that do like to be treated like gold Gary. If this one follows the pattern of women I have gone with she probably never appreciated what you did for her and always wanted more. You will find one that appreciates you for you and likes you just the way you are!

 

[Boomyal]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Remember that you are not married Gary. If you were that might dictate a more conciliatory approach. You date to determine the suitability of a mate for marraige. Methinks you'd be wise to consider that the writing has been written on the wall.

As hard as it might be now and considering you had this happen before, it might be wise not to invest anymore of yourself in this venture.

 

[agitator]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

If after 6 years and no marriage something does seem wrong. May be time to bail.

 

[Reel Poor]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary I can tell in your post this is eating you up. My X use to work at a casino here (graveyard shift) and get off early (unknown to me). Instead of comming home she would go to the allnight bars and party. When I found out it tore me up. We tried to work it out for a while but my trust in her was marginal to say the least. Any time she was late getting home or I couldn't get in touch with her my stomach began to turn upside down. I couldn't live my life like that anylonger. Moved out and six months later met the love of my life, 8+ years later, and it gets better every day.

I would tell you to leave now, and quit digging before you find out some thing you really don't want to know. You know enough already. Chalk it up to another one of lifes lessons and learn a little something about yourself from it. Move on to greener pasture.

 

[Chief101]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary, looks like she wasn't really "your woman" afterall. Chief Chief

 

[12Footer]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

If you begin to rethink that it might worth another try, I would think again.

My first wife and I were married for 13years. One day while discussing family matters over dinner, she told me "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" (her way of telling me she was in another relationship)...I know the hurt you are feeling right now first-hand.
And the only thing that got me thru it all was time, Gary.
I have now been with wife two for nineteen years, and love her with all my heart.... All that is left, anyway.

Part of your trust in humanity must now die, and you must grieve the loss. But do not expect to get over her betrayal overnight, and let this goawdawfull experiance harden your heart so that NO woman -- regardless of how close they get to you, gains the power to rip it out, take a huge bite out of it, throw it on the ground and stomp on it. IOW: gaurd your heart well, so that in the event a new "love" tries this, you can survive it.

Just the too sense from the perspective of a guy with a tattered tee shirt.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary, I'm been marred 4 times, Not all women are cheaters, but in my case, so far 3 out of 4 have been. :devil: I have always been told that for some reason if a woman cheats, the man ususally will not make amends. However if the man cheats, the woman will make amends.

SIx years is a bit of time invested with your girl, are you sure you want to just give it up? If all she has done is internet flirting, is this just cause to throw in the towell? This incident can either be a building block to a stronger relationship, or it can be the drop of water that sinks the ship.

Never let a relationship get boring and stuck in a rut or this type of thing happens. Keep things busy so there is no way to find time for flirting with others. Idle minds wonder with their conscience and sometimes its not good. Hope the best for you!................SS

 

[rosco_59]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Maybe mayfloat has got something there about letting life got boring, this is number two for you as I get and you might be letting things go as if you were some old fart, you have to keep a little spice in life. I think you just need to come clean with her and tell her what you have found and see where the card fall. If she still fumbles around with this then run for it will never make you sure about her again, you will always have doubts. That is not a good relationship at all. I have been there, done that. I was not happy with the answeres I got from the X so I ran lkke heck and when I looked back, she was with 4 other men after me.I wish you all the luck.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Six years in a relationship is a long time. You have a lot invested. I don't think black balling her without giving her a chance to explain to you why she seeks fulfillment from others is fair. I think getting together over the holiday will open the lines of communication, if not, then she has already made up her mind and you have to let her go. You can repair the damage but it will take a lot of honesty and devotion from both of you. It takes two to make a relationship work. It also takes two to make it fail.

Good luck.

 

[KRS]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Terrible situation.

Just to be fair... 1) you found guys names and numbers in her mailbox; 2) you found her profile on an online dating service; and 3) somehow you think (or know because you saw her?) having drinks after work.

I know that with some professions (sales, marketing) business is conducted after hours, sometimes over drinks. Having names and numbers in my Outlook wouldn't necessarily mean I'm cheating on my spouse. The online dating service is hard to give her the "benefit of doubt", but who knows, maybe there is an explanation.

I wouldn't sentence the suspected guilty party until the accused has spoken and the trial has taken place. You've gathered enough evidence to be concerned, now it's time to test that evidence.

 

[Ron G]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

it sounds like its hurting you alot,it also sounds like the green eyed monster is taking over.do know for sure she is seeing other men?if so its time to move on,or is she a curious girl who likes to see reactions on the computer screen and just mess with people.my wife and all her friends have my space pages and theres always old friends and new guys talking to her and her friends i dont think anything about it.but if you really think she is cheating on you confront her about it.along talk may help but if your trust is that much broken it'll take along time to heal it..its all up to is it worth it.

 

[POINTER94]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary,

We are similiar in age and my story is similar to all above. First wife cheated and I was not just crushed, it destroyed me. Losing my first wife was a huge blow to me but losing my self respect is what was worse. It took me years to regain my balance. I went back to what defined who I was and that included boating which is what actually brought me to this site.

The ex is gone and I have since remarried. But the lingering pain of being so completely stripped my my dignity and having my trust abused still lurks in the back of my mind, just never for anyone to see. I would have to say it is up to her to patch up the relationship, not you. Tell her simply that you know what she has been doing, (not how you know) and if she asks how you know, simply tell her how you know is irrelavent, it is your actions we need to discuss not who told me. Don't let the how distract the conversation. At this point you will be able to examine her TRUST FACTOR. It is up to her to convince you that she is worthy of her trust not for you to extract some shreads of honesty from a statement here or a comment there, and try and formulate that into trust. Trust is complete, a black and white issue. BTW, your gut is a compass, if it tells you something is wrong, there is a 99% chance that there is something wrong. When something changes in a relationship in an overnight like fashion, trust me something is going on. That doesn't necessarily mean she is cheating but something in her has changed. It may mean that she is involved in charity work (example) or it may be something far more detramental. She need to explain to you what it is that has changed.

As for the dating scene today, I was scared to death as well but found that there are lots of women who are interested in meeting honest, single, confident men. More than you can imagine. And toss in the fact you have boat skills, you will be very busy if you want to be.

I wish you the strength to make the best decision for you and not one based on the fear of the unknown. It is only unknown until you try. Don't even let that figure into you decision, it isn't relavent to the situation.

All the best to you........

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

There are two types of men women don't like, They do not like a man that works all the time and They do not like a man who wants to go out and enjoy himself!!!!!!8)

There is two sides to every coin and we have only heard from one side!!!!

Do U both do things together??

Are U or her couch potatoes???

Are either of U heavy drinkers???

Do etheir of you raise your voice and do not listen to reason???

Do U bang her frequently???

This next question is the biggest!!! Who controls the CLICKER???8)8)

 

[Blackgang]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Same thing happened to me, only I was the one in denial. All the signs were there, and when I would ask, I was told I was crazy. I finally woke up and sent her packing, but the wound was fresh for a long time. I started treating women disrespectfuly and was miserable. I met my wife about a year later,and she straightend me out. Time heals all.
I wish you luck.

 

[Stratosfied]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

I guess the worst thing for me was the loss of dignity and the utter disrespect that she showed me.

Time will heal the wound, should you move on. Brewton, In Sweet Home Alabama!

 

[Johnson110]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

Gary, I am now 48 , i had a girlfriend that after 3yrs she broke up with me , she was hitting on my friend i week after she broke up with me, it really hurt me bad! well that was 5 yrsa ago and she still does not have any one steady, i guess it was that trust issue for me , any how i found a nice lady who respects me to the max and i am happier for that, the pain will always be there for my ex but at least i do not have to deal with the trust issue!

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Caught my woman talking online.cheater

I cant stand a liar. That enough is reason to leave.

Ken