Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

[IPhone pirate]

So, making a long... Long.. Long story short.. I won custody of my son today. I'm 28 and he is 7.. Divorced 3 years or so
The price of a good attorney ( oxy Moron ?) is beyond worth it. I have spent 3 years taking little notes; recording conversations and. Bassicaly being 120% daddy.

I just wanted to give hope to anyone in or close to the same situation.. It is possible for dads to win also...

Thanks for the space to vent and Fist pump!

Ps.. I will be posting Boat related topics as well

 

[southkogs]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Double tough to go through a divorce, but it's very telling when a dad wins custody of his child. Congratulations, I'm sure that was a lot of very emotional work.

Being "daddy" has been the single most challenging thing I've ever done (am doing). I pray you and your son have a good strong relationship that grows and strengthens.

Welcome aboard.

 

[IPhone pirate]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Your very right. Very difficult. Every argument is worth it

 

[Bamaman1]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

My daughter had to fight just to get shared custody of our grandson--who turned 4 yrs. old today.

The problem is that the father doesn't understand divorce, and the courts. When the romance is over, it's over--and from then on out it's a business decision. Unfortunately, I'm my daughter's banker--and all the clothes, daycare and other expenses are paid by me, the retired guy.

It's just best to talk about basic things like clothes, activities, etc. Keep the vindictiveness and personal feelings out of any conversations.

I just hope you have a support staff--your family. It's triple tough trying to deal 24/7 with a child by yourself.

 

[jtmarten]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Its a rough road but well worth it. I got divorced in '98 when my kids were 7 & 4 and was granted physical custody.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

So, making a long... Long.. Long story short.. I won custody of my son today. I'm 28 and he is 7.. Divorced 3 years or so
The price of a good attorney ( oxy Moron ?) is beyond worth it. I have spent 3 years taking little notes; recording conversations and. Bassicaly being 120% daddy.

I just wanted to give hope to anyone in or close to the same situation.. It is possible for dads to win also...

Thanks for the space to vent and Fist pump!

Ps.. I will be posting Boat related topics as well

Good luck with everything but please remember , there is no actual "winner" in these things.

 

[salty87]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

good for you iphone pirate!

my Dad raised me and my brother alone starting when i was 8. i'm much older now and he's still my hero.

divorce, as a kid, sucked. will his mom be nearby? i barely ever saw my mom afterward.

 

[dingbat]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

You think you had it rough? I was 22 when I got custody of my then 3 yo daughter back in 1980 when it was unheard of to even consider the father as a single parent, let alone a single parent to a daughter.

Congratulations and good luck. It's a tough road to hoe going forward as a single parent.

 

[Bamaman1]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

It all comes down to giving full support to the children--and putting yourself and your needs second. They're the ones that matter. Parents are secondary.

But, a little fishin' goes a long way with raising children. I'm talking cane poles and a can of worms. They will remember fishin' and boating as the best times of their lives. That makes it all worthwhile.

 

[ehenry]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

I have to put my two cents worth in. Its not totally unheard of for a man to get custody of his kids as far back as the 60's. My wifes dad won custody of her and her 2 sisters when they were just kids. My wife was the baby of the 3 and still wearing diapers, sister Dina was only 2 maybe 3 and Bonita the eldest of the 3 was 6 I think when this happened. Mr. McCormick raised those girls alone for about 3 years until he married the woman all three of the girls consider to be their Mamma.

I'm proud for ya, Iphone Pirate !

 

[Rayandrewss]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Real happy for you Pirate. I got custody of my daughter at age 8, she is now 20 and doing fantastic. I knew it was up to me to make sure she got raised right. It's not an easy road but one that will make you feel like the best parent ever made. Best of luck !!!!

 

[Gun Dog]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

The price of a good attorney ( oxy Moron ?) is beyond worth it.

Five years, $40,000 in legal expense, $5K in court requested physiological evaluations. Won, Won support. Lost support she quit her 150K per year job and got away with it. Judge said job market was bad and let her skate. Any male would have gone to jail.

 

[IPhone pirate]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Thank you do much.

I was told it is impossible to prove that a change in custodRy is needed with out some sort of dramatic event.
That being said ... The lawyers bill is on the fridge next to all my sons doodles and school work.


I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one in ths *boat*

 

[204 Escape]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

First of all congrats !!!!! In 1982, I won custody of my 2 year old daughter. I was 27. I received no child support, even though my ex told the court she would help. The comment about keeping the spitefullness, vindictiveness out of it all is excellant advice. It won't be easy.

Again congrats !!!!!

 

[ziggy]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

interesting. a group of men (boating men i might add) who won custody and raised the children.
i too am in this group. my x left me and my son when he was nine. unbelievably in my case, my x didn't contest me getting custody. she had her demands and if i complied, she would give me custody. i complied.
it's totally worth it for dad to get the custody. my son in now 22 and doing well also. the love of 'my' life it seems. better yet in my case, my only blood relative i know of (due to me being adopted and not knowing who my parents were/are).

glad ya won. it's a tough road to hull, but well worth the effort..
men who boat, make better dads...

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Congrats, Sons should be raised by their Dads. Too many boys don't get the right upbringing by a single parent mom. It is a sad trend in our country.

I got custody of my daughter and son in 95. Of course both are doing very well on their own now. It was a rough road in the beginning and some of the old salts on the forum know what I had gone through. This board helped me with support when I needed it most. Don't hesitate to ask.

My only advice is when you start dating again, ALWAYS make your date know that your son is the first thing in your life and will always be first. Some women will not like that and it will cause problems. Don't let that happen.

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Congrats Pirate, but I say that with a bit of sarcasm because your childs life is just beginning and just you wait until he becomes a teenager!!

I went a bit different route, I was simply the Court appointed father to my Daughters, paid my child support and saw my children whenever I was supposed to or when they asked for me, my exwife drug me to court 12 or 13 times for this or that always being dismissed by the court. Finally when my children became teenagers they chose to come to me, and the exwife didn't contest it. So I got to raise my girls through their teenage years(OH BOY!!LOL) had some hard times but through it all it was the highlight of my life. Now I have my two oldest in College and only my youngest still at home, a Sophomore in High School taking AB classes.

Pirate cherish the time you have with your child, it goes by so fast, it's nearly impossible to completely shelter your child from the feelings you have for his/her mother but do the best you can, it's not our children's fault we chose poorly.


I envy you in that you have a son to raise, you will never get that look of disbelief from your daughter when you take her shopping and she needs "Women's things"!!! Nothing in this world can destroy a fathers ego like this...LOL

 

[tallcanadian]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

It's good to see that parents stand up for their rights to take care of their kids in a sad situation such as divorce. My story turned out to be a bit different. Many years ago my former wife denied all access from me to see the kids. I had a court dates set but she always had excuses not to show up. Then the third date was set, by that time is was too late. Against a court order to take the kids out of the province, she did. Unfortunately, I didn't have the finances or resourses at the time to go find them. They were 6 and 5, two boys. A few years ago I found out that they moved backed in my home town. I had moved away by this time and started a new life. It was bitter sweet. I was glad that they lived closer but they don't want anything to do with me. They are now 20 and 19. I do hope that time will heal and I can spend some time with them. There isn't a birthday or special occasion that goes by that I don't think of them.

This is the first time I've ever told this story so please don't judge. If I had a chance to do it over again, the outcome would have have turned out very different. Of course there are a lot more details involved but I'm not here to bad mouth anyone just to let people know to take the gift of children and cherish it. Take care of your kids and be thankful for them, everyday.

 

[SeaKaye12]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

Hi TallCanadian,

Thanks for sharing what is obviously a very personal portion of your inner-self. We're never very good doing things "the first time" are we? It takes trial and error to become proficient at anything. Sometimes we make mistakes in the learning process and hopefully never make those same mistakes again.

It's easy now for you to look back and recognize these things from your past and question why you were not better able to make the right decisions....and take the correct actions. But; that was your "first time"...and you did the best you knew how.

Your boys at 19 and 20 are still in a very idealistic part of their lives. I know I was that way at their age. They still will learn and grow a lot. Don't ever give up with them. They will at some point come to realize your sincerity and will then be better able to understand the choices you made a long time ago. I wish you the best.

I had some comments for the OP here...but I'm feeling a bit emotional right now and think I'll wait a while.

Chuck

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: Divorced dads ( moms too I suppose )

TC, It takes a hell of a good man to do the right thing and after all this time I think you are. Like SeaKaye12 said I believe that at some point they will figure things out on their own and possibly make your life whole again.

You and your sons are in my families prayers