Re: Do you believe people can change?
A "job search" and a job are two different things. A search can last forever. No offense.
Involvement and freindship can be two different things. I would stay at arms length until you see definite progress.
From what I understand......Today she is checking into one of these deals where she knows people that knows people that might be able to get her a job at certain places. After the experience I had with the last girl I dated years ago, I'm going to play "hard to get", and keep everything under a microscope and fine tooth comb. It is nice to have somebody think of me in the ways that she does. As said I enjoy being around her.
Ditto,
what we do shouts louder than the words we say.
When I see a mother without custody of her children ...something pretty bad happened in the eyes of a judge. It had to be significant.
People can change, but they can also want to want ,
and appear to change without really changing,
in other words they can act good and honestly WANT to be better but invariably fall back into old ways because they don't have the constitution to be honest with themself at a fundamental level.
Maybe step back and look at the bigger picture.
Is it possible theres a pattern in your choice of women here?
Do you think you can help them?
If this woman is trying to change, where is she placing her ultimate reliance?
I don't know of any pattern in my choice for a woman right off.
I know at my age it is going to be hard to find a woman without any kids . Heck I had a 42 year old woman chasing me around when I worked at one job, but I didn't go for it.
A good woman is hard to find.
Was your mother a good woman ?Inserted by Wildmaninal that would of been harder to answer if you said perfect instead of good. The answer is yes
All goes back to when we were children.
You have to understand what you really want.
Want a good woman, you know in your inner self what that means to you.
Good luck young man, found my woman 22 years ago today i married her.
And have 4 wonderful children she gave me.
Hard to believe my brother has been married 18 years give or take. Congrats on being together for 22 years. My brother's wife was not and is not perfect by anymeans, there are things that I wont mention. Oddly enough she was married to somebody my aunts x-husbands side, so my aunt knows how my sis n law is. Now my sis n law was raised to think lying was alright. There has been many things that my sis n law and I have had disagreements on, some of them I mentioned to my brother in which his reply was "that is just the way she is, she isn't going to change".
Hey Wildmanimal , I'm 42 + divorced ; so prettymuch in the same boat . Seems like every woman round here is looking for a free ride . I'm not too strict in what I'm looking for , but firmly belive a good woman will do everything she can to uplift " her man " to make both your lives the best that you can have . As soon as the " Me first " princess shows up ,It's time to pack up . I guess I'm saying , most of the time people hide who they are , but I believe they CAN change if the desire/reward is strong enough .
If your friend is good to you , procede with caution and see what happens. And if your relatives want to be SOOO helpful...why ain't the sending those hidden jems your way ?? With 16 aunts + uncles (not including spouses) not one has ever said to me "Hey I'd like you to meet....." Sound Familiar??
DUDE You have nearly the same amount of aunts and uncles that I have. Years ago my brother tried to set me up a couple of times but he doesn't seem to care anymore,
ALTHOUGH he was curious enought to find out about my date with this lady. Which I'm sure his reply to me email to him isn't going to be positive even though I told him I had a good time. You are so right, nobody seems to care enough to hook me up with anybody. Although my cousin's daughter (11 years old
) did sort of play match maker to the lady that in subject, any how his daughter was sort of rooting for her to ask me. My neices (also 11 years old), has said that she would like to find somebody to hook me up with.
I jokingly said to this man when standing in front of my date at the bar when he wanted me to ask for a beer from his friend which they did offer me a beer but I didn't take it, anyhow he wanted me to get a beer and give it to him which I didn't do but I said "this isn't going to get my arse whipped is it". The man replied no. But my date said something to the affect "oh nobody is going to whoop your arse if I have any say in it". I didn't mean to show any sign of weakness in front of her I was just joking, but there were 4 of those guys and only 1 of me. Although I am crippled up/handicapped and don't know how well I could handle myself in a fight.
I'm 21 BTW...
I've personally seen friends (not close friends but still friends) ride the long slide down...become alcoholics, take up smoking cigarettes and weed, stealing all the time (alcohol included)...hell one person in that group worked at 7-11 and said their boss was saying that like $1100 worth of alcohol was missing in a month...
I don't know how this info helps you, or if it does at all. I feel that people can change. The girl I'm talking about in particular here is saying she's working on changing. Will she? I believe in the good in everyone and would like to think she would, but she's said it before...
Just to make a note to you guys out there, my troubles didn't involve stealing or the law. I also believe in the good in everyone. The first girl that I eventually let go was a trip to be with when she was straight, found out she had a bigger problem she is bypolar, you talk about women that have mood swings, this girl had some mood swings. It all added up at the end and like I said I let her go.
I've been thinking about your situation Wildanimal, and you have it completely around the wrong way mate, but not to worry, so has 70% of the males in this world.
I certainly don't mean to be rude here.
I wonder if it isn't you that needs to change.
I get the feeling you are looking for a partner.
Lets look at your situation differently.
Why don't you pretend to think like a woman for the next month.
And as this woman, you are looking for a bloke......right????
What are you looking for?
When you see some bu-m in the gutter, do you think, "poor bloke, he's looking for a job and can't get one, he's been in trouble with the law, know body understands him, etc etc.....hull, come with me Bluey, I'll help you, and you will change in to my Prince".
No way, you make sure you never walk down that street again.
But this is what you are looking for as a woman.
(1st think about this...a group of women being a bit scatty......one asks what they would like in a husband.....bingo..."a millionaire, tall and handsome, with a nice car and house and brings me home chocalates and champagne etc etc".....and all the others start giggling in agreement).
You are looking for someone to save your scrawny arxe.
This is the basic difference between man and woman......the man is stupid, the woman smart.Inserted by Wildmaninal As you mentioned below they also have an advantage over us, or key to front door if you will
My point is:
people mostly are what they are born to, and genetics don't change, so why look down for a partner that may change to meet your level, why not look up.
What is wrong with finding a highly intellegent woman with grace and dignity and intelligence, self assured, a career, direction and future.
They are out there, and they too need partners.
You may be expected to make a few changes yourself, that's never impossible??? ....is it?????.
See women know, that if they flash their brizillian commando in front of a guy,....pufff....it's all but over. You try flashing your middle wicket and the responce will be quite different. Inserted By wildmaninal Now that is so darn funny but so darn true Also note: OMG at the body she has:redface:, she does have a fine figure
Go out, have fun, be young, but whatever you do, always aim to go over the bar, not under it, because once on the other side, you are there for a long time.
Can people change???.....Can you Change????....if you have any doubts, then you have answered your own question.
I have been there.
Good luck.
Cheers
Phillip
Yes I have made alot of changes in my behavior and all, some things have plummeted down the drain.......Like for instance I have social anxiety, and being with or around this lady has really helped me get out and be at ease even before I went on this date with her which by the way I took her to a bar. Once we got to the bar she kept her focus on me and nothing else.
I may have more changing to do myself, I can't put my finger right on or speak of any other problems I have at the moment besides one the fact that I smoke.
I was mainly using the "some people were raised in a rough or not so perfect environment" as an example. I don't know the whole story as to how this woman was raised.
I may have more to respond to on these posts so please don't think I've short handed any of you on responses but for now I've got to get some rest.
I'm with mthieme 95%. Your story, to my partially trained eye, sounds co-dependancy alarms with a touch of 'comfort'. Without going into dirty detail, I'd say it's a good time to shoot higher and expect more even if that means being single for longer than you would like. The extra time is well spent working to identify and improve the patterns in your own behavior. Once you do this, you will (over time) raise your standards naturally and in a fair manner (ie: you won't expect more from others than you give or have yourself).
I lack the 5% agreement only because people can and do change, it simply takes time and a lot of it. Life changes happen over years, not weeks or months, this includes personality (habit) changes. Stay single, find work, get stable, learn about yourself and you'll discover living the life you look for in others will greatly ease the search for the person you want.
You know that when a majority of the people that are married or have a relationship or a friend and they get to the point I'm at, which I'm am unemployed etc etc........ they have been known to get a divorce, or for the ones with a relationship or just friends they have parted ways because of the difficult times.
What I find interesting about this girl that I just met, she knows I'm unemployed, she finds me to be cute, and also says I'm a gentlemen (said that in front of some of my relatives). In otherwords she's interested in me, I know she isn't interested in my job or big paycheck because I don't have one. Now who knows....this girl I met might lose interest in me, or she might find something about me that will make her throw on the brakes. She is 5 years older then me, which is fine, I set the limit at 8 years above or below me.
Now the girl I dated and split up with in the past new I had a decent paying job, nice truck, nice apartment etc etc, and she took advantage of me in the long run.
