Favorite Metaphors

[Holdimhook]

Over the years, I've developed an interest in regional language patterns, dialects and the like. One of the most colorful (and most of the time humorous) examples of differences in our regional dialects is the use of the metaphor. We've got a really diverse worldwide group here, and I thought it might be fun to ask everyone what their favorite metaphors might be. A few of mine are:<br /><br />1. It's as cold as a banker's handshake.<br /><br />2. Tall as a Georgia pine.<br /><br />3. Weak as water.<br /><br />4. Coffee is so strong it'll float buckshot.<br /><br />5. Coffee so weak you could read a newspaper through it.<br /><br />6. Ugly as a bagfull of buttholes.<br /><br />What are some of yours?

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Moving at the speed of slow!!<br /><br />One french frie short of a happy meal!<br /><br />Did you get up early? Crack of Noon!<br /><br />Raining so hard it like a cow pissing on a flat rock!

 

[cpj]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

6. Ugly as a bagfull of buttholes.<br /><br />ROFLMAO.<br /><br />Dumb as a bag of hammers.<br />Ate up with dumb arse<br />Sweating like a ***** in church<br />Higher than a Georgia pine<br />Drunker than a hundred Indians (ya ya, not pc, I know)

 

[heycods]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

harder than a ministers pr.........well.....errr.nevermind

 

[RetNav]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Dumber than a box of rocks.<br /><br />Dumb as a army blanket.

 

[treedancer]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

colder than a welldiggers arse.

 

[cpj]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Cold enough to freeze the ba*** off a brass monkey.

 

[dogsdad]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Stupider than nine boxes of dog****...<br /><br />Or, when the store clerk says, "let me know if you need help," I respond, "I'll holler like a mashed cat."<br /><br />Colder than a witch's *** ("in a brass bra" may be added)<br /><br />Roads in the rain are "slicker than owl snot."

 

[Twidget]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

LOL@ Dogsdad, I wasnt sure if the Witches teat would fly.<br /><br />Slicker than snot on a door knob.<br />One can short of a six pack.<br />The lights are on, but nobody's home.

 

[cpj]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Hotter than two rats doing something in a wool sock. <br />(edited for my protection )

 

[Reel Poor]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Finer than frog hair<br />Built like a brick **** house<br />Meaner than a Rattle snake<br />Cuter than a bug in a rug<br />Ugly as sin<br />Faster than a two dollar ho<br />Broker than the ten commandments<br />Smooth as a babies ars<br />Clear as glass<br />Hotter than Jessica Simpson<br />Full as a tick on a hounds ear<br />Older than Mathusalem<br />Funnier than the Sunday comics<br />Wetter than rain<br />Dumber than dirt<br />Older than dirt<br />Sly as a Fox<br />Sick as a dog<br />Higher than Giraffe ***** (cat)

 

[scrapper]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Flater than pi$$ on a plate! <br />A ***** owl can't give a hoot!<br />Horn broken , Watch for Finger!

 

[fireman57]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

smells so bad it could knock a buzzard off a sh!t wagon.

 

[KaGee]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

A sandwich short of a picnic.<br />The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.<br />So ugly, the doctor slapped your mama!<br />The lights are on, but nobody's home.

 

[Holdimhook]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

How 'bout:<br /><br />Mad as a wet hen<br /><br />Busy as a set of jumper cables at a Mexican funeral (non pc like cpj)<br /><br />Busy as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest<br /><br />Poor as a church mouse

 

[Ron G]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Like a pig in a poke<br /><br />Even a blind hog can find acorn ever once in awhile<br /><br />and if a bullfrog had wings he wouldnt bump hes arse. <br /><br />you need that like jimmy carter needs liver pills<br /><br />hotter than an 2 dollar pistol<br /><br />that boys elevator dont go all the way up<br /><br />he aint the brightest bulb in the bunch<br /><br />shes so ugly you should smack her moma<br /><br />woldnt touch that with a 10 foot pole<br /><br />i wouldnt touch that with your pole

 

[Rattle-]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Colder than your mother-in-laws smile<br /><br />More moves than a monkey on a hundred yards<br />of grape-vine (hockey reference)

 

[QC]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Fruitier than a Nutcake (I made it up, its for a flamer)<br /><br />A couple of Nascar favs (Ward Burton):<br /><br />Pushes like a dump truck<br />Runs like a three legged goat<br /><br />Tommy Lasorda: "He couldn't hit water if he was in a f***in' boat" (barely a metaphor, but thought it was appropriate for this crowd)

 

[dogsdad]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

"...so hungry I could eat the sideboards off a gut wagon."<br /><br />Not sure it's a metaphor, but always gets a giggle. Since this thread is evolving into a "colorful speech" thread, here's another one learned from the uncle who taught me that one referring to guys who can't seem to keep their pants zipped up "...would f*** a pile of rocks if he thought there was a rattlesnake under it." That one always did evoke a comical mental image for me!

 

[OBJ]

Re: Favorite Metaphors

Dumber than last years sled track.<br /><br />Uglier than a mud fence.<br /><br />Busier than a one arm paper hanger with crotch crikkets.<br /><br />One fry short of a happy meal.<br /><br />He's Thinking....but not getting any answers.<br /><br />I'm SO HUNGRY......I could eat the south end of a north bound skunk.....