Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

[atx111]

Not to seem like a jerk or anything, but I was looking forward to a weekend of just me, the wife and kids on the boat this weekend. The neighbors were over the other afternoon, who are really good friends, and asked if we were taking the boat out this weekend. My wife said yes, and without really asking, they kind of invited themselves. Originally, we were going to take the kids on Friday, and then just the two of us on Saturday(it's well over due for a Saturday alone for us). They wanted to flip flop the days so they can take their 3 yr old with them.

Our sons get along and play really well with their son, but he's really super hyperactive, to the point it stresses me out just being around him. A year ago it was funny, now just annoying. My wife says not to worry, they'll make sure he doesn't get into trouble, but I reminded her that anyone on our boat is ultimately my responsibility.

Anyway, too late now, but just looking for input into how to tactfully handle this in the future. I'm more than happy to take friends with, but sometimes I just want family time alone. I almost thought of deep sixing going to the lake this weekend, but since I'm on call and my wife works every other weekend, we don't want to waste any good days not being on the water.

 

[SWD]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Well I'd just point out that you wanted some time with your spouse and leave it to that!

 

[Sea Rider]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

One of two, without hard feelings.

1-Sorry, this week end is just for my family leisure time
2-Why don't you buy a boat to go caravan boating...

Happy Boating

 

[haulnazz15]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Or just tell them you don't have any plans to go to the lake, or that you already have others meeting up with you and don't have enough room/seats for them. I've never had anyone "invite themselves", so it's a little difficult for me to understand. However, if you really want the alone time, tell them flipping the days doesn't work out for you.

Perhaps the quickest way to test them is to tell them that you'll bring the boat if they buy the gas . . . lots of "friends" bow out after that proposition.

 

[Malibu Rudder]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

If you need to get out of the current situation, your wife can go to the friends and say I spoke to my husband and he says he already committed the boat. We would love to take you out another time...I am so sorry. But if the wife really wants them to come then make the best of it and just establish rules for the 3 year old. When they board the boat say, "children must be seated the entire time the boat is underway" . Etc Etc I always say the lake rules are.......! Even if not true, I make them the lake rules. In the future(by the way...very rude to ask you to switch days) I would say Friday is best for the kids because the lake is less busy and less stressful for me. I prefer to take the kids on Friday and Saturday the boat is already reserved. How about next weekend?. These are just some ideas. I understand your desire to go alone. You deserve "Me Time" and that is non existent when there are others aboard, especially children. I love children but those are kid days not adult days.

 

[scottmm73]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

What's with all this hooshy cooshy lets not upset the neighbors advice. Look, you are the master of your domain. They were rude enough to invite themselves, nothing says you can't be rude enough to point that out to them. "My weekend, my boat, my family", that is all that needs to be said.

 

[Malibu Rudder]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Scottmm73, It appears they are close friends and the wife already said yes. I am sure they, like myself ,have said to the friends...you should come out sometime.

 

[Home Cookin']

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Nothing you can do about it now since your wife said yes, and you will probably end up worse off if you make something up. Just go along this time, try to have a good time, don't stress out over it in advance, but be mindful in the future to avoid similar situations.

My wife and I try not to commit to plans without checking with the other first but sometimes it happens and sometimes one assumes it's OK with the other. That's life among humans.

Those of us with boats are more fortunate than those without, so it's good to spread the happiness sometimes. Not all the time, I get that.

Don't beat up on the little guy to get back at them; that's being a bully. Look for safe, perhaps meaningless, tasks for him and make them sound important (hold this rope! Look for whales!) and let him "drive" some. Often the crazy ones channel that into responsibility and it does wonders for them.

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Yeah, sometimes you have to suck it up and say no, if you feel better about it you can make another date with your friends but if you do not do stand up it will continue on and on.

 

[Fleetwin]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Half the problems today stem from people not be able to say no-tactfully and respectfully. Especially to their children.

Lying is not the answer. Just say: "We're sorry, we had a very special day planned-just us..........."

If they are truly freinds, they will understand. If not, you found oiut something.

 

[dvtran]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Be straight up and tell them Friday is the only day that will work. Saturday is spoken for. Who doesn't want to find a private little cove so you and the mrs can have a little fun and fill in them tan lines.

 

[atx111]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

I don't have a problem saying no, but didn't want to make my wife look bad by contradicting her in front of them.

I can empathize with them, before we got our first boat, we would always hope one of our friends with a boat would invite us. I just never like the feeling that I'm expected to entertain people all the time.

 

[Fleetwin]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

I don't have a problem saying no, but didn't want to make my wife look bad by contradicting her in front of them.

I can empathize with them, before we got our first boat, we would always hope one of our friends with a boat would invite us. I just never like the feeling that I'm expected to entertain people all the time.

Get over it. You had plans, stick to them and tactfully and politely say-NO.

 

[NC Broker]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

We don’t tell anyone we are going out on the boat. That’s that. My boat, my time, days off are few and far between. I will be on Jordon Lake NC this Sunday and no one knows. Oh' wait, I just told everyone - what was I thinking. :faint2:

 

[crabby captain john]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Two threads read in a few minutes where 1 feels bad about saying no and the other does not even though he wants no company. I have no problem inviting people but decline those inviting themselves with "another time MAYBE".

 

[Fleetwin]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

We don?t tell anyone we are going out on the boat. That?s that. My boat, my time, days off are few and far between. I will be on Jordon Lake NC this Sunday and no one knows. Oh' wait, I just told everyone - what was I thinking. :faint2:

No worries, I'm 3000 miles away. Plane tickets are expensive these days.

 

[dvtran]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

I enjoy having friends on my boat and I need alone time with my wife too. So I make sure I balance it out nicely. When it comes to other peoples kids. I don't like being the mean guy to friends kids. But I am very strict when it comes to my kids safety on the boat. Iv'e had times where I keep reminding other kids about the do's and don'ts on my boat and it goes in one ear and out the other. While the parents are pretending their kids are listening. So my wife and I have come to an agreement. No kids on our boat other than ours and family kids. ie nieces and nephews. Times on our boat should be stress free.

 

[JoLin]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

I don't have a problem saying no, but didn't want to make my wife look bad by contradicting her in front of them.

Right. Once the invitation's been made there's no graceful way to take it back. You're stuck this time.

You and your wife need to work as a team, i.e., no commitments without prior discussion between you both. You're supposed to be a couple.

My .02

 

[Fleetwin]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

Right. Once the invitation's been made there's no graceful way to take it back. You're stuck this time.

You and your wife need to work as a team, i.e., no commitments without prior discussion between you both. You're supposed to be a couple.

My .02

Yes, there is. You simply state that "we" were not on the same page. Our mistake. We're going alone.

Take the opportunity to plan another date.

 

[Toddavid]

Re: Friends that Invite Themselves When You Go to the Lake

I don't have a problem saying no, but didn't want to make my wife look bad by contradicting her in front of them.

I can empathize with them, before we got our first boat, we would always hope one of our friends with a boat would invite us. I just never like the feeling that I'm expected to entertain people all the time.

I'm with JoLin. Your post above kind of contradicts your first one. Seems like the neighbors asked to if they could come along, and your wife said yes. They didn't exactly "invite themselves."

Sounds like you need to have your wife rescind the invitation.

Or suck it up and chalk it up to lesson learned for next time.