Share a joke with us

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TexomaAv8r

Petty Officer 1st Class
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Sep 15, 2004
Messages
329
Re: Share a joke with us

Whadya call a country with only pink automobiles?<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />A Pink Car-Nation
 
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scrapper

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Sep 6, 2005
Messages
937
Re: Share a joke with us

>> Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best! <br />>> >> <br />>> >> <br />>> >> Football FINALLY makes sense.......... A guy took his blonde <br />>> >>girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right <br />>> >>behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she <br />>> >>liked the experience. <br />>> >> <br />>> >> "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight <br />>> >>pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why <br />>> >>they were killing each other over 25 cents." <br />>> >> <br />>> >> Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" <br />>> >> <br />>> >> "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the <br />>> >>rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the <br />>> <br />>> >>quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's <br /> <br /> <br />only <br /> >> >>25 cents!!!! <br />>
 
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michael-lagrange

Petty Officer 1st Class
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May 3, 2006
Messages
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Re: Share a joke with us

scrapper here is my favorite blondy,<br />A red head, a brunett, and a blond met for a swim meet. the rule clerly stated this event is the breast stroke.<br />at the pop of the gun the three woman dove in, 3 minutes later the red head finished shortly after came the brunett 30 minutes until the blond finished a huffin and a puffin. when the blond got out of the water she started in on the judes saying the other two cheated they used there arms.<br /><br /><br />theres a visual thought for ya.
 
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rottenray6402

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Jul 27, 2004
Messages
923
Re: Share a joke with us

How do you tell if a blond has been using your computer? White out on the screen......
 
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technostingray

Banned
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Jun 1, 2005
Messages
4,666
Re: Share a joke with us

I like the you know you are jokes. AS in you know your drunk when your date steps on your tongure.
 
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rottenray6402

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Jul 27, 2004
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Re: Share a joke with us

I once knew a kid that was so ugly his mother fed him with a slingshot cuz she didn't want to get close to him, she tied a bone around his neck so the dog would play with him, and she took him everywhere with her cuz she didn't want to kiss him goodbye!
 
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scrapper

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Sep 6, 2005
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937
Re: Share a joke with us

Yeah I knew him ! He had to sneak up on a water hole just to get a drink!
 
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scrapper

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Messages
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Re: Share a joke with us

For Techno:: <br />DID YOU KNOW???<br />The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.<br /><br />Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.<br /><br />I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.<br /><br />I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.<br /><br />Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.<br /><br />If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?<br /><br />I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.<br /><br />I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.<br /><br />Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.<br /><br />I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!<br /><br />If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?<br /><br />How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?<br /><br />Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?<br /><br />Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.<br /><br />Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!" <br /> :D
 
RubberFrog

RubberFrog

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Apr 9, 2005
Messages
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Re: Share a joke with us

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. <br /><br />The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" <br /><br />"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. <br /><br />"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. <br /><br />"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." <br /><br />! "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. <br /><br />"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" <br /><br />"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. <br /><br />"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. <br /><br />"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." <br /><br />The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." <br /><br />The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
 
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technostingray

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Jun 1, 2005
Messages
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Re: Share a joke with us

The doctor calls Scrapper and says, I have some bad news and some worse news. "What is the bad news, asks Scrapper? You only have two days to live. Says the Doctor. So What is the worse news, Scrapper whines? I was supposed to call you yesterday. Replies the Doctor. :nonewsisgoodnews: Old jokes never die, they just smell that way. :rolleyes: <br />Latex, you forgot to mention doing without a wife. :D :D
 
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dakk1

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Apr 22, 2003
Messages
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Re: Share a joke with us

A Redhead goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, something's wrong with me, I hurt all over."<br />"What do you mean?" asks the Doctor.<br />"Watch," she replies. She then proceeds to touch her chin and screams in pain. Next she touches her elbow and screams in pain. Finally, she touches her knee and screams in pain.<br />"Hmmm" the Doctor muses. "Your not really a redhead, your a Blonde."<br />"How did you know that!" the woman exclaims in surprise.<br />"Your finger is broke." replies the Doctor.
 
Kenneth Brown

Kenneth Brown

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Re: Share a joke with us

What is the difference between girls/women <br />aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?<br /><br /> <br /><br /> At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.<br /><br /> <br /><br /> At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed<br /><br /> <br /><br /> At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.<br /><br /> <br /><br /> At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.<br /><br /> <br /><br /> At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.<br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /> At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.<br /><br /> At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!<br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /> At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the heck are you???
 
Kenneth Brown

Kenneth Brown

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Re: Share a joke with us

TWO GUYS AT HOME DEPOT LOOKING FOR THEIR WIVES<br /><br />Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. <br /><br />The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." <br /><br />The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." <br /><br />The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? <br /><br />The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue <br />eyes, long legs, big chest, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?" <br /><br />The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
 
Kenneth Brown

Kenneth Brown

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Re: Share a joke with us

A pompous minister was seated next to a hillbilly on a flight across the country. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.<br /><br />The hillbilly asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen women than let liquor touch these lips."<br /><br />The hillbilly then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "Shoot, me too - I didn't know we had a choice!
 
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scrapper

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Joined
Sep 6, 2005
Messages
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Re: Share a joke with us

...It's great to be a man? Because:<br /><br />Your last name stays put.<br /><br />You never have to use hot wax.<br /><br />The garage is all yours.<br /><br />Wedding plans take care of themselves.<br /><br />Chocolate is just another snack.<br /><br />You can be president.<br /><br />You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.<br /><br />Car mechanics tell you the truth.<br /><br />You don't couldn't care less if someone notices your new haircut.<br /><br />You can open all your own jars.<br /><br />You never have to drive to another gas station because this ones just too icky.<br /><br />Same work...more pay.<br /><br />Wrinkles add character.<br /><br />Wedding Dress $5,000; Tux rental $100.<br /><br />People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.<br /><br />New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.<br /><br />Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.<br /><br />A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.<br /><br />You can leave the motel bed unmade.<br /><br />You can kill your own food.<br /><br />You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.<br /><br />If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.<br /><br />Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.<br /><br />You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.<br /><br />Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.<br /><br />You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."<br /><br />You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.<br /><br />You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.<br /><br />You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.<br /><br />You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.<br /><br />The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.<br /><br />You don't have to shave below your neck.<br /><br />One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.<br /><br />You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
 
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