some input on alcohol/boats

[81_chapparel194]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

I would go with that. There are family politics involved here. Say that you are treating then limit the amount of alcohol you bring. Or you can go with a little white lie like its the 4th and the cops will be watching and alcohol is not allowed where we are going so I don't want to sneak it on the boat this time.

actually its not allowed. its a state park. and the time before when she came was same place and she found a way to sneak it in. (apple juice bottles) after I showed my butt about it being illegal by having it on state park property, I made her get it out of my cooler and put it in the vehicle she came in as a passenger. That should have been first clue but my wife begged me to take her on the boat, so against my better judgement I did, learned lesson and told the admiral then NEVER again will this happen. and yesterday wife drops the bomb that said cousin is coming. my first statement was if she drinks she wont get on the boat. that turned into a heated discussion but istood my ground. I don't mind drinking sensible or casually but no one else has ever acted that way on my boat. the park in question is lake black shear (veterans state park) actually the marina there sells alcohol but its just outside the park boundary. I will enjoy a beer or 2 throughout the day but no buzzed boating for this boy. so I don't want to sound hypocritical. I don't mind her drinking that's not an issue, the issue is she get careless. at home in the back yard she is a blast where she is no danger to anyone.

 

[Bill3434]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

All good and experienced husbands understand the rule that the wife is right even when she's wrong.

I wonder if this is what is wrong with me:facepalm:

 

[81_chapparel194]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

Why would your wife invite a person that has cause you some concern? Better communication between you and your wife might be the best thing for your situation. You did state that your wife invited her back correct? Why?

yes, because my wife is ...for a better choice of words , um a bleeding heart and I am the only person she can seem to say no to. and she invites everyone to everything we do. it can never be a family outing (me her and the 2 kids) which im not anti social but I don't need a party of 50 just to go watch the local ball team play or whatever the case may be. I know she means well but sometimes she don't think.

 

[81_chapparel194]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

As I look at this, it seems to me alchohol isn't really the problem; it's the cousin's abuse of it. I'd be inclined to tell her she can come without alcohol or she's not welcome at all. If your buddies also drink but don't cause problems, why punish them for your wife's cousin's alcoholism? If she decides to go, I'd appeal to anybody else going to not bring any alcohol "just this once". Your friends will understand.

I suspect she will take offense and not go, which is a win-win. Your wife's position is unsupportable; I don't care if the cousin is part of her family. I'd say the same if it were her father.

Ultimately, I ask what would you do if family wasn't involved? Your wife will get over it. It's not like there really isn't a problem and you're just picking on the cousin.

its not picking on her cousin at all. I have a cousin that is just as bad or worse and he knows he isn't welcome on the boat when he is drunk.

 

[theBrownskull]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

I would not bring her with if she was drunk. Sober, maybe if she was nice and payed for fuel.

 

[JoLin]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

I don't mind drinking but she is an unruly drinker that wont mind the rules while drinking. other friends have drank and minded every rule and stayed seated and safe. I don't mind drinking but she cant control herself while drinking.

That unruliness is the bottom line, isn't it? It isn't a pretty situation, but YOU are the one responsible for the safe operation of the boat and the safety of its passengers. Not your wife, not your friends... you. Stick to your guns.

 

[fishrdan]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

I'd look at it like this. I'm not the bad person in this situation and didn't cause the problem in the first place. I'm being accommodating allowing her back on the boat after SHE almost caused an accident by being drunk. BUT, she's not drinking or getting on the boat drunk ever again. If she and others can't realize the seriousness of this, too bad.

Sometimes you have to stick to your principals and do what you know is right. I haven't been too popular because of decisions I've made like this in the past, (family, friends) but oh well.............

 

[I Fish]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

Uh, unless the boat is where you plan to sleep, maybe just leave it at home, or, maybe suggest that might be a possibility to the wife? Let her know, enough is enough. Let her deal with that. She may come around. I've nothing against drinking, even on my boat, but, I have a cousin as you describe. It's my cousin, so, I guess it's easier for me to tell her no, not on my boat.

 

[ken51k]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

You got two problems, the cousin and your wife! Doesn't your wife know that you are responsible for the safety of everyone on your boat and damages your boat causes to others. Take her out and have her get drunk and dance around again and you go from idle to WOT and injure or kill someone. Now lets see what your wife has to say when they sue you for everything you own. Get some balls and tell your wife she is not coming and that is it. If your wife doesn't like it then she and her cousin can go to a bar and get drunk together.

 

[R DAVIS]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

ok heres the thing with the 4th of july coming up. we are planning a large get together and my wife has invited her cousin which is a heavy drinker, and careless. I have had her on my boat one time before while drinking and she WILL not listen to my directions, wont sit down is all over the boat dancing and has knocked me into the throttle causing an unexpected idle to WOT incident which almost caused 2 people to go overboard. now first let me say my stance is she is not allowed on my boat drinking EVER again. my wife is upset really bad because I told her that if her cousin drinks she is not allowed on the boat. and I explained why. however I have a few buds that drink on my boat, but they don't get rowdy or disregard rules or cause any distraction to me while safely operating the boat. and your remarks wont change my mind its my rules and my boat, I just want to get your input on your thoughts as to how to handle it. my safety as well as other people on board and other boaters is important to me.

You are the Captain of the boat and are responsible for safe operation. Your wife's cousin has demonstrated in the past that she is a danger in that condition, not only to herself and others on board, but to other people trying to safely use the waterway. If you are unable or unwilling to stand up to your wife regarding this safety issue, then I suggest you just leave the boat at home until you grow a pair and are willing to take charge of the situation.

You asked for input on the subject and that's mine. I'd much rather give input about that, than how to explain to some mother how you allowed someone who is a "heavy drinker and careless" bump the throttle to WOT and kill or maim her child.

I'm surprised I have to 'splain that to you.

 

[briangcc]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

Well....

Seems like you're in a pinch as you're up a creek either way.

I'd simply tell all guests, no alcohol onboard - no exceptions. That way you're not singling out anyone. They can all have a safe & sober time aboard the boat. And since the cousin was sneaky last time, I'd go as far as doing cooler inspections before the guest is allowed to board the boat. Any open containers are left at the dock or drained into the lake - no exceptions. If she's tanked before she steps foot on the boat, insist on her wearing a life jacket during the entire trip. Explain its for her safety as she could get knocked overboard. Explain this is policy for anyone going aboard - again, no exceptions.

For me this year, due to my knee surgery, I'm going to be wearing a life jacket at all times as my swimming is compromised. My dad has other health issues and does the same already. I figure if my 1+ yr old son sees both his Grandpa AND his Dad wearing life jackets, then I stand a shot of keeping him in one.

I have told many people, family included, they're welcome to join me on the water but alcohol is taboo on my boat. You're welcome to tilt one back before we depart for home as I'm loading the boat onto the trailer provided it does not violate the rules at the launch I use. If it does, leave the alcohol at home. Don't like it, don't come. Haven't had a problem with this rule.


I do agree with everyone else, a sit down with the wife and said cousin is in order to lay out your issues and explain your policy. That way, there's no ambiguity.

 

[Home Cookin']

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

Last year a family of pleasure boaters were coming into Hampton harbor--it's narrow, boats and piers on both sides, all no-wake. If I get the players right, the grandmother/boat owner let the 7 or 9 year old drive in; "something happened" and the boat jammed itself under a pier, killing either his mother or aunt who was riding in the bow.

How is that kid going to live with that? Or the grandmother (now mother of a dead adult child) who was the captain?

I suspect he hit the throttle and panicked, or otherwise did not know what to do in time, and the other adults were not close and quick enough to correct it. I think it's safe to assume he wasn't drunk and that he could have managed to steer straight at idle speed. It was merely a lapse in judgment about consequences none of them anticipated--but now everyone who reads this will.

Why is this relevant? because the OP has had a first-hand close call experience of what can happen and how even a passenger can be a liability in the close quarters of a boat. he's already dodged his bullet or punched out one of his 9 lives or gotten the warning bell from God. If cousin hits the throttle again, or something similar, with tragic results, OP is toast, in so many ways.

PS: when I have young children on board I almost always let them "drive" at some point. I think it is important for children to learn boating at the earliest age possible. But it is in open water with my left hand on the wheel and my right on the throttle, and them in between.

 

[81_chapparel194]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

You are the Captain of the boat and are responsible for safe operation. Your wife's cousin has demonstrated in the past that she is a danger in that condition, not only to herself and others on board, but to other people trying to safely use the waterway. If you are unable or unwilling to stand up to your wife regarding this safety issue, then I suggest you just leave the boat at home until you grow a pair and are willing to take charge of the situation.

You asked for input on the subject and that's mine. I'd much rather give input about that, than how to explain to some mother how you allowed someone who is a "heavy drinker and careless" bump the throttle to WOT and kill or maim her child.

I'm surprised I have to 'splain that to you.

well you misread because I already said im sticking to my guns by not allowing her on the boat drunk. so you dont have to explain nothing to me. and I did explain to my wife why I was not allowing her on my boat drunk. the wife is ok with that. and she understands the dangers. I just wanted to get yalls input about how yall handled the situation or if yall have ran into it, because I didnt want to cause world war 3 in my house hold by going againt the one who must be obeyed (wife) lol because in the end she is the boss. but I have to think of everyones safety involved not just someones feelings..

 

[glenn property of pam]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

firstly its not your boat its yours and your wife's boat and if you plan to argue mentioning its yours boat and your the captain will end badly. just explain to the wife that she is right and off course her family is more than welcome. Also explain that if she get a little loud and out of hand that you will have no option but to shut the boat off until she settles down so you would really appreciate it if she could help keep things under control including the other friends that you have invited. If I was in your shoes I would just cancel as the wife will already be on edge being put between me and her family so she's not going to chill out and relax which will ruin the day.
A good husband and wife team is a powerful force to go up against so by getting in good with the wife and explaining your reservations with out referencing the doom and gloom worst case think of the children world war 3 crap tell her that you are worried about not being able to pay attention to driving while her cousin is dancing around as its a distraction and you don't want to look like a grumpy old man for having to drop the anchor until things settle down plus every one is going for a good time and you want everyone to have a good time including your wife and cousin. If you get your wife to fell sorry for you instead of you chewing on your wife when things get a little out of hand your wife will target the problem and nip it in the bud.

 

[riptide09]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

It is a tough situation but safety of all on board is first. I would say to her directly, your drinking is limited and your behavior is being monitored. If you do OK you can keep on coming back. To much to drink or bad behavior and you are gone. I would not make your wife be the bad guy, in this case you have to be the bad guy. This allows your wife to save face with her family should things turn out bad.

 

[81_chapparel194]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

firstly its not your boat its yours and your wife's boat and if you plan to argue mentioning its yours boat and your the captain will end badly. just explain to the wife that she is right and off course her family is more than welcome. Also explain that if she get a little loud and out of hand that you will have no option but to shut the boat off until she settles down so you would really appreciate it if she could help keep things under control including the other friends that you have invited. If I was in your shoes I would just cancel as the wife will already be on edge being put between me and her family so she's not going to chill out and relax which will ruin the day.
A good husband and wife team is a powerful force to go up against so by getting in good with the wife and explaining your reservations with out referencing the doom and gloom worst case think of the children world war 3 crap tell her that you are worried about not being able to pay attention to driving while her cousin is dancing around as its a distraction and you don't want to look like a grumpy old man for having to drop the anchor until things settle down plus every one is going for a good time and you want everyone to have a good time including your wife and cousin. If you get your wife to fell sorry for you instead of you chewing on your wife when things get a little out of hand your wife will target the problem and nip it in the bud.

cant cancel.. that would cause more problems than just dealing with the cousin.. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.. after all she planned the trip. but it IS my boat. even she says so every time I spend money on MY d@mn boat that I had to have. lol but the problem has been settled. after my wife cooled off I explained to her what happened last time and what COULD have prevented that. I even had her brother remind her how he was one of the ones almost thrown off last time she was on the boat. and that was almost an ugly incident. so she is on board with me (pun intended) and has cordially uninvited her cousin after she told her no drinking this outing. actually cousin uninvited herself. lol and wife assured me that I do know what I am talking about most of the time and that she was actually impressed that I was so safety conscious.

 

[glenn property of pam]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

cant cancel.. that would cause more problems than just dealing with the cousin.. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.. after all she planned the trip. but it IS my boat. even she says so every time I spend money on MY d@mn boat that I had to have. lol but the problem has been settled. after my wife cooled off I explained to her what happened last time and what COULD have prevented that. I even had her brother remind her how he was one of the ones almost thrown off last time she was on the boat. and that was almost an ugly incident. so she is on board with me (pun intended) and has cordially uninvited her cousin after she told her no drinking this outing. actually cousin uninvited herself. lol and wife assured me that I do know what I am talking about most of the time and that she was actually impressed that I was so safety conscious.

So all fixed then. Hope you have a good time out there

 

[Don S]

Re: some input on alcohol/boats

This thread is turning into personal insults and is now closed.