Re: Going through the big "D" and I dont mean Dallas
I had almost 13 years invested in my relationship, and 6 were married. She got that 6 year itch, and we never saw that anniversary. Left me for some guy she met online and moved to the USA to be with this guy. To top it off, he was a real loser, as my mother in law got to spend 3 weeks with him. She eventually kicked the pair out of her house, and told me I should have sent her daughter to the mental institution while I had authority to do so, 'cause she wasn't right in the head for these decisions she was making. This guy had all kinds of mental issues for which he was taking medication. As well, he was a smoker (my ex was allergic to smoke, and was repulsed by anybody who smoked, but for this loser, she didn't seem to care) he couldn't keep a job, he was constantly fired, and had just gotten evicted from his apartment, and had to move back to live with his mother and father at 41 years age. He suffered from severe depression, and anxiety..
Like FBPirate, I hated that I had to do this. Never thought it'd be me, and the reality was she gave nothing to our relationship either. She didn't do anything around the house. She refused to work, and I supported her for all the years we were together.... everything was an excuse. She hated my friends, and my family, and we bailed on every social event we were invited to, till the point people stopped inviting us to go. She sucked the life out of me, and now I have it back, and I've never been happier..
My friend is a psychologist, and determined that my ex most likely wanted to feel needed. She felt since I made the money, bought the groceries, did the shopping, I mean, I literally DID everything, while she played on the computer - she probably left me for this loser, so somebody could need her too. It kind of made sense.....
I can't even imagine re-marrying now, I don't know how some of you guys are on wife #3 or 4 again.... scary stuff..
Because of my exes guilt - she only packed a few bags and boxes, and her computer, and was gone. It took me a month to go through everything in our house, my ex was a slob, and packed stuff in boxes and closets. 3 trips to the dump, and I still brought 14 LARGE (25x25x24") boxes to her mothers. with her crap in them. I cut her a company cheque in the divorce settlement, and she got nothing else. Not my car, not the house, my company, nothing but her cheque and a divorce certificate. I was lucky.
Anyway, as to the OP - 10 years is a long time. I didn't give up on my marriage easily, I fought for it, for 6 months (and I don't know why? maybe to avoid feeling like a failure who didn't at least try)... but sit down, and talk to her. It takes work, and if you love her, you guys can work past this and save the marriage....
It's already been said we don't know the whole story, and so there has to be more to this than you said. If there's another man involved, you're pretty much screwed though.. I really hope the best to you.
