More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Mark42

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My oldest son is now 21 and a senior in college (he is my step-son). During the school year he lives on campus, and during the summer he lives at home. I have suspected for a while that he was using drugs. But he keeps a full straight A average, so what can I say???

Indications to me were that he wore LOADS of cologne, spent 45 minutes or more to take a shower, had room fresheners in his bedroom, and often blocked the bottom of the door with his jeans or a towel, etc.

When I would point this out to my wife, she would sternly support her son, and I was just making trouble. So I backed off. The step-son thing is a sore topic in my house. Although I love the boy as my own, and he has told me time and time again that "you are a better father to me than my own". What can you say?

A week before he left for school, there was a problem with a guy firing a shotgun into my side yard, and again, shooting it down the road as he drove away. Multiple state troopers showed up to the 911 call. Before the troopers showed up, my son was in the upstairs hall bath for about an hour. And the attic fan was on (sucks air from inside the house, and blows it into the attic). Mounted in the ceiling just about 6 feet from the bathroom, it was pulling air right around the closed bathroom door. The whole hallway reeked of pot. I pass by and notice the familiar smell and knock on the bath door saying " it smells pretty funny out here...." he responds by coughing a few times, then says "OK".

Next minute, the troopers are at the front door, just 15 feet in line of sight from the upstairs bath where the smell is.

So now I am multiply upset. Some jack-off blasted his shotgun off on my side yard (about 300 feet from my house) while the kids are playing in the front yard and my wife is sitting on the front steps watching the kids. Meanwhile, my son is getting stoned upstairs, the house smells like pot, and now there are state troopers at my door.

Does life get any better than this?

So we deal with the troopers and tell them all about the idiot shooting his shotgun, then I tell my wife about the upstairs reeking of pot. Of course, she does not believe me, and goes to ask son about same. He does admit to the pot, and is told never to do it in the house again. I am vindicated, but now also the bearer of bad news. And my wife is now pissed at her son for the bad situation he put us in, and the kids too (worries about DYFS, as my wife used to work for social services and know how they screw up everything).

So son gets a scolding, the troopers did not notice the smell and run off after the bad guy, and everything turned out OK.

Except for me. Somehow its all my fault.... :confused::facepalm::D

You just can't win. Life happens.

Regards,

Mark.
 

204 Escape

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

I understand completely !!! I feel for you !!!!! Been there, done that !!! (I had a step son so I know how you feel).
 

Mark42

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Thanks! Its nice to know you are not alone in your frustration! LOL!
 

JB

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

You need to confront this kid (guy?), and your wife, if needed, and lay down the law:

My house, my rules, no exceptions. If you need to kick him out to get his attention, do so.
 

Limited-Time

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

That's all well and good. But he still has a wife to live with.................that is unless he kicks her out too.:confused::confused:
 

JB

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Well, no, LT. I don't think it is all well and good. One must not wimp out.

It is tragic, but "they" will take any sign of weakness and run over you with it.
 

bouttime007

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Thanks! Its nice to know you are not alone in your frustration! LOL!

Been in the same boat too.

Now my stepson is out on his own, to do his thing and live with his choices.

"The step-son thing is a sore topic in my house" Heh, Im in that boat as well...
 

PS94

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Tell him to move to Canada. unless he's selling it, or caught with huge amounts, it's no worse than drinking a beer in public.
I really don't think it's a huge issue, his grades are up, he's not slinging it, not stealing for it, just blazin the odd joint...Just lay down the law and tell him, no chronic in the house, or property, and he can reside there still, if his grades, and atitude doesn't change..
 

ezmobee

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

I'm not a drug guy, never even tried pot. I'm not a prude about it or anything, just never really seemed like a wise choice for me and I wasn't really exposed to it much. Never had to turn it down and I certainly didn't seek it out. Regardless, I think I agree with PS94. He's 21 and is pretty much going to do what he's going to do (however, if you're paying his tuition then you should have some say in his behavior), but doing it IN YOUR HOUSE is completely unacceptable and disrespectful! Gotta nip that in the bud (pun).
 

Fishing Dude too

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Feel your pain, here in Ohio it is a speeding ticket for less than 100 gms. I think they should legalis it, tax the hen out of it and pay off the national debt. It is your house so don't allow it in the house, tell him either quit or no more money from you. He will need to make a choice.
 

southkogs

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

21 Y.O. doing illegal things in your household is something to consider carefully. You probably make yourself an accomplice to illegal drug use because of your knowledge - tough to prove, but the law can be funny sometimes. If it were me (even considering all of the difficulties of the situation - wife, step-son, younger children, etc.), I would probably have a "come to Jesus" meeting with step-son and wife. "No more drugs. Period. Or, you move out in 15 days. No negotiation." Doesn't mean he can't visit, doesn't mean you don't love him ... it means you're not allowing the law to be openly broken in your home in front of your children with your knowledge.

I know it's easier to type it semi-anonymously to someone over the internet than to actually do it though, and I can appreciate the difficult situation you're in. So, take that all as my 2? - and hang in there.
 

j_martin

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

That's all well and good. But he still has a wife to live with.................that is unless he kicks her out too.:confused::confused:

Reminds me of conversations heard in my childhood.
Mom "Over my dead body."
Dad "Well, that too can be arranged."

Moms can't understand how much trouble their boys can get into because they were never teen-age boys. Dads, however, have had that experience.
 

scipper77

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

You need to confront this kid (guy?), and your wife, if needed, and lay down the law:

My house, my rules, no exceptions. If you need to kick him out to get his attention, do so.

JB, We are like minded on this but having been through a similar situation with my 15yo (at the time) stepdaughter I can tell you that if the wife is not on board the my way or the highway approach will end very poorly. I did it and it almost cost me my marriage. If not for the two children I have with my wife it certainly would have.

Like others here have mentioned the stepchild situation is a very sore subject in my house and I somehow wound up the bad guy.

Mark42, all I can say is if you turn your back on this kid and his drug use catches up with him (poor grades, drops out, in jail, harder drugs, dead, etc...) will you now be to blame from the perspective of your wife?? I'm not implying that I know the answer but in my case even though my wife logically knows I'm not to blame, I am the reason in her mind that her daughter does not live with her. Not the drug use, stealing, lying and so on...

Such a hard topic for me. I cant imagine knowingly letting this go on in my house even after seeing the devastating results of putting my foot down.
 

lncoop

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Tell him to move to Canada. unless he's selling it, or caught with huge amounts, it's no worse than drinking a beer in public.
I really don't think it's a huge issue, his grades are up, he's not slinging it, not stealing for it, just blazin the odd joint...Just lay down the law and tell him, no chronic in the house, or property, and he can reside there still, if his grades, and atitude doesn't change..

Ummm, really? The chronic is undoubtedly what caused someone to discharge a shotgun outside of Mark's house where his children play. Kinda sounds like a problem to me, and if it's reached that point he's obviously way past occasional recreational use. I'd say it's a pretty big issue.
 

robert graham

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

My God, your story sounds familiar...my immediate and extended families are an "ocean of disfunction", with just a few "nice/normal ones" here and there. Guess that's why I love to get out in the boat, just to escape, for a while, anyway!....:(
 

bruceb58

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Personally, other than it is illegal(for now), the occasional use of pot is no worse than alcohol. All is different if it is abused...just like alcohol.

He is a senior in college, 21 and gets straight A's? I really don't see that big of a problem as long as its occasional use.

By the way, I also had a step son and if the only issue I had was like yours, I would have been overjoyed!
 

erwinner

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Ummm, really? The chronic is undoubtedly what caused someone to discharge a shotgun outside of Mark's house where his children play. Kinda sounds like a problem to me, and if it's reached that point he's obviously way past occasional recreational use. I'd say it's a pretty big issue.

What??? Where did you even begin to make that assumption??? Did I miss something? Did the neighbor smell it and start shooting up his house because of it?
Substance abuse is a very serious thing but the idea of a "gateway drug" is a self-fulfilling prophesy. One has to deal with the internal demons before they can deal with the effects of those demons.
 

jim765

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

i would have packed my rucksack and if i were helping step son with money for collage,no more money ,can aford dope,can aford to pay for collage his self.
 
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erwinner

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

i would have packed my rucksack and if i were helping step son with money for collage,no more money ,can aford dope,can aford to pay for collage his self.
Great idea! Then he can drop out and be on a solid path to success! :facepalm:
How about love and support? Man, this thread makes me appreciate the unconditional support I received from my parents!
 

lncoop

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Re: More things to look out for regarding drug use.....

Personally, other than it is illegal(for now), the occasional use of pot is no worse than alcohol. All is different if it is abused...just like alcohol.

He is a senior in college, 21 and gets straight A's? I really don't see that big of a problem as long as its occasional use.

I agree, but the use doesn't seem to be occasional, at least based on reading Mark's account, and it sounds like the situation is escalating. I really feel for all involved. My wife's sister has been a functioning substance abuser for years. She's had five DUIs, totalled at least two vehicles, and produced a wonderful little boy she cares nothing about who is being raised by her parents. She even stayed at Casa Coop for a while several years ago because I can't tell the admiral no. That was the disaster one would expect it to have been.
 
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