Share a joke with us

michael-lagrange

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
May 3, 2006
Messages
211
The captain of the ship awoke that morning to the sound of/ there is one enemy ship on the horizon, the captain said to the deck hand fetch me red shirt.<br />At the end of the day and the battle exhausted the deck hand asked the captain why did you were your red shirt? captain rplied- if i were to be shot or stabed ye crew would not notice the blood and continue to fight! Brave man thought the deck hand.<br /> The following morning the captain awoke to the sound of/ there be 20 enemy ships on the horizon,<br /><br />captain said to the deck hand- fetch me brown pants!
 

bootle

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
1,028
Re: Share a joke with us

:D :D <br /><br />Why did the frog try to cross the road?<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />To let everyone know that he had more guts than his flat-mate.
 
Joined
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Messages
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Re: Share a joke with us

Comment from driver as bug hits the windsheild, " I'll bet he ain't got guts enough to try that again."
 

scrapper

Ensign
Joined
Sep 6, 2005
Messages
937
Re: Share a joke with us

why did the chicken go to the center of the road and lay an egg?<br />><br />><br />><br />><br />><br />><br />><br />><br />><br />><br />><br />><br />She wanted to lay it on the line!
 

cpj

Ensign
Joined
Jun 14, 2005
Messages
958
Re: Share a joke with us

Originally posted by technostringray:<br /> Comment from driver as bug hits the windsheild, " I'll bet he ain't got guts enough to try that again."
And what is the last thing that went through that bugs mind?<br /><br /><br />His arse.
 

Bart Sr.

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Jul 26, 2002
Messages
1,603
Re: Share a joke with us

A man goes into an auto parts store and after waiting his turn tells the sales guy "I'd like to get a new gas cap for my Yugo".<br />The sales guy looks him in the eye and says....<br /><br />"Sounds like a fair trade to me".
 

Dunaruna

Admiral
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May 2, 2003
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Re: Share a joke with us

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LadyFish

Admiral
Joined
Mar 18, 2003
Messages
6,894
Re: Share a joke with us

LMAO :D :D :D <br /><br />Okay, what do you do if you get caught inside an elephants stomach?<br />...<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />........run around 'til you get pooped out. :D
 
Joined
Jun 5, 2006
Messages
21
Re: Share a joke with us

Well, they say bigomy is having one wife too many....<br /><br />so... how does it differ from monogomy? :D
 
Joined
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4,666
Re: Share a joke with us

Originally posted by cpj:<br />
Originally posted by technostringray:<br /> Comment from driver as bug hits the windsheild, " I'll bet he ain't got guts enough to try that again."
And what is the last thing that went through that bugs mind?<br /><br /><br />His arse.
Well, actually his mind probably went thru his....<br />I think it gave birth to the expression get your head out of your ... :D
 

kwikk9

Petty Officer 2nd Class
Joined
Apr 4, 2006
Messages
189
Re: Share a joke with us

George got himself a new retriever who was really special. This dog could walk on water! Hoping to impress his friend, Ed, they went duck hunting.<br />First flyover they bring down 2 birds and George sends his dog out to retreive. Sure enough, the dog walks out atop the lake, retreives, and brings 'em back. Ed says nothing. After a while, George turns to Ed and asks "notice anything about my dog"? "Ayuh, your dog can't swim".
 

Holdimhook

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Jun 26, 2005
Messages
648
Re: Share a joke with us

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"<br /> The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.<br /> The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"<br /> The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.<br /> The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!<br /> At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says,<br />"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk
 

Kenneth Brown

Captain
Joined
Feb 3, 2003
Messages
3,481
Re: Share a joke with us

A kid went up to his mom one day and said, "Mom, there's a dead cat on the street "How can you tell?" asked the mom. "Well, I pissed in it's ear" <br /><br />"You did WHAT?!", screams the mother.<br /><br />"I walked up to it and went 'Pssst!' in it's ear"
 

Kenneth Brown

Captain
Joined
Feb 3, 2003
Messages
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Re: Share a joke with us

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. <br /><br />One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. <br /><br />All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. <br /><br />At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. <br /><br />So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. <br /><br />The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." <br /><br />"And what about the men?" the minister asked. <br /><br />"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
 

Kenneth Brown

Captain
Joined
Feb 3, 2003
Messages
3,481
Re: Share a joke with us

Heycods staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies. Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. <br /><br />A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of band aids before proceeding to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood.<br /><br />After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed. Morning, he awakens with screaming pain in head and butt to find his wife staring at him from across the room, and hears her say: "You were drunk again last night!!!" <br /><br />Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied: "Now Hon, why would you say such a mean thing?" "Well," she said, "there is the front door left open, the glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, and your bloodshot eyes but, mostly... it's all those band aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!"
 

michael-lagrange

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
May 3, 2006
Messages
211
Re: Share a joke with us

Two pastors invited one of the decons on a fishin trip to there favorite lake. about lunch time the pastors looked at each other and said i'm hungry lets have lunch, so both pastors stepped out of the boat walked across the water to the bank where they sat down to eat. the decon saw this and thought to himself, I have faith to, if they can walk on water so can i, at that point the decon stepped out of the boat and splashed into the water.<br />one of the pastors said to the other, you think we should have told him about the stumps!
 

scrapper

Ensign
Joined
Sep 6, 2005
Messages
937
Re: Share a joke with us

The Love Dress <br />-----------------<br />A woman stopped by at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.<br /><br />"What are you doing?" she asked.<br /><br />"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.<br /><br />"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed!<br /><br />"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.<br /><br />"Love dress? But you're naked!"<br /><br />"My husband loves me to wear this 'dress'," she explained. "Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic. <br /><br />The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.<br /><br />Finally, her husband came home.<br /><br />He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked.<br /><br />"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. <br /><br />"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
 
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