Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

[HVAC Cruiser]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

HVAC you're doing a great job. The fact you are concerned means everything to his future.

Thanks FB, You want to to try telling my wife that ? :redface: She thinks I am avoiding the issue

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

As a parent we all struggle with kid issues.

Sometimes we need to relax. There is way too much school pressure on kids these days.

My 7 yr old daughter reads every book she can get her hands on, reads way above her grade level.

Last progress report she had an 85 in reading. I didnt make a big deal about it, as I know her true performance.

Relax and enjoy the children.

I know how you feel with the wife, my wife needs to relax a little bit too.

Ken

GREAT advice ^^^^^^^^^

HVAC you're doing a great job. The fact you are concerned means everything to his future.

I also echo that ^^^^^^^^^^^

Just be cautious that you do not overwhelm the young man and give all of the things you are doing time to see results. I would not rush him to the Dr until some time has passed.

 

[FBPirate95]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

Thanks FB, You want to to try telling my wife that ? :redface: She thinks I am avoiding the issue

Hm....so her idea is medicating her right? Next time she start being crabby or not being agreeable, hand her some Midol. If she asks if you're crazy tell her, "what you'd thought it would work for our son".

LMAO.

Word to the wise....DO NOT TAKE THAT ADVICE!!!!

 

[JB]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

I had my say on this, but I would like to comment on some of the suggestions since then.

Skipping a grade or two: Very bad idea. They did that with me and it made the troubles worse. Social development was all but arrested (I sang soprano in the high school glee club), I was viewed as a geek. Self esteem was non-existent.

Home schooling: Very good idea. #3 Daughter did that for two of her three boys. Christopher, who has Asberger's Syndrome (A mild form of autism) graduated high school at 16 and is working on his Masters in IT at 21. His "companion learner", Jacob, will graduate HS this month with a 3.6GPA.

Phych evaluation: Very good idea. Christopher was undiagnosed until he was 8 and was a BIG problem until we all understood what he was dealing with. There are varying degrees of autism related disorders. Correct identification can be a life saving event.

Don't play shrink: We carry too much mythology based baggage. Let the pros do their job.

Best of luck to you and to your son.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

One more thing that I do. I re-enforce personal responsibility every day. I make sure that thier homework is their responsibility, not mine.

I have seen so many parents try to do everything for their kids, that they end up ruining them. I try to make them solve thier own problems before I get involved. Its not because I am lazy, but I have personally seen the effects of "babied" kids. They get out in the real world and are gobbled up.

One last suggestion, ask your son what he thinks are good ideas to help organize his own life. You might me surprised at his insights.

Ken

 

[jonesg]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

My wife's answer to all of this is take him to a doctor and medicate him, I disagree. .

Science doesn't have a God pill. Never will.

A freind called me up a few yrs ago, his son (14?) had taken his keys/car for a joyride and caused a bit of damage, broke the mirror or something.
He asked "how should I punish him".

I said tell him the truth, that you failed him as a parent.

Children might not be sophisticated but they know Truth when they hear it,
theres a certain "ring" to it.

 

[jonesg]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

although he might know his school work, other children might not, he should be respectful of their need to learn too.



In addition I am going to think of some sort of reward for participating in class,

Consider this...
Success is its own reward, adding some sort of "prize" only devalues the real accomplishment.

You've touched on the selfishness aspect above.

There is a lot of emphasis in schools, put forward by educators , on the importance of "self esteem".
When they extrapolate their faulty logic to its conclusion they pathologize children and want to medicate, but children are supposed to act like children.
They have it so backwards.

"Esteem for others" is the secret to success in life.
Disrupting class is a lack of esteem for others.
But they're just children, they don't know.

I was completely like that, thats my experience, not opinion.

" I'm thinking that so much about his behavior is actually enabling him "

Yeh, you're afraid. Has he become your higher power?

 

[HVAC Cruiser]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

Hi FB,
Sorry I am not handing her Midol, She already beats on me enough

Hi JB,
My 2nd daughter Patricia from my 1st marrage has Asberger's Syndrome, so I know it 1st hand. My ex actually blames it on her MMR shot although her youngest that she had with her new husband is Autistic. Trish is now 23 and a manager at sears in nj. He doesn't seem to show any signs when compared to Trish, the one thing I found with her is she doesn't process emotion. Th
e sky could fall and she won't blink an eye.
I think you are right about a Phych evaluation, there is something going on in his little mind I believe its a deep rooted problem and he is not sharing.

Hi Ken,
He does do his own work I refuse to do it for him. I do help at times by adding logic and reason to his thinking but never give him an answer.
I like the phrase you used "personal responsibility" you turned on a light bulb for me. Although I try to teach him for some reason I never put a lable on it I really like that phrase, sometimes I have trouble conveying my thoughts that will help big time .


So now I think I have the teacher wondering, and my wife is P.O.ed at me. 1st Liam got a 100% on his Social Studies final today He was so proud and I proud of him.
He showed me that 1st, we did High 5's I took him for Italian Ice I asked if the teacher sent a letter home (response to mine that I posted here sometime this morning) he tells me no, BUT then he tells me that the teacher asked him if I was angry after reading the notes yesterday Liam says "I don't think so" I am thinking and I could be wrong that maybe it was my tone or stating that we went back to the classroom and got things straightened out and found???? + Liam tells me his teacher didn't collect the math assignment from him!
My wife is P.O'ed because when I returned home I verbalized my opinion of the teacher(to her only of course), for no return letter responding to mine. Between my sisters and brother I have 3 grade school teachers 2 in private one in public, and My Brother is a professor and a chair at ST Johns. I have discussed some of this and they ALWAYS respond, except for my brother lol In college you don't get letters from parents lol. ,

Ken, I think this is one instance where your phrase personal responsibility comes into play. I believe I am going to tell him its OK to go ask the teacher if she wants the work he completed. Telling him its his personal responsibility to see that she gets all work he completes EVEN if not asked. I think I am going to gently try to get him to take a proactive approach

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

One last suggestion, ask your son what he thinks are good ideas to help organize his own life. You might me surprised at his insights.

Ken

Ken...you are a wise man!

 

[HVAC Cruiser]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

Hey Bruce,
Thanks for pointing that out, I was back and forth on my response in between tasks I forgot to say that that was great and I was going to ask that question. I will let him help me to help him and try to make him more independent

Hi Jonesg
Very good points, I think I might have posted something to the effect of being concerned about his defiance to the point it has gotten and as ken said in a round about way he is now leading we are following, Jason hinted about his I.Q. and controlling his I.Q is 136, The kid is at well above average ( P.S. Jason, mine is is higher than his , at least till I started working on the boat and having all those adult beverages)
I really don't approve about a lot of the teaching methods "Esteem for Others" another phrase I really like.

His teacher didn't do his behavior chart or respond to my letter today . Over the weekend I think I am going to try to turn this around for him and reinforce we are here to help. Right now I think part of it is he is afraid of getting in trouble from both sides and at the same time wants to maintain his friends

 

[Stachi]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

Thanks scipper,
Boy I'm getting to old for this . The one thing that upsets me is , OK I know the teacher has lots of other children to deal with BUT the only time she makes any sort of comment or statement is only after I initiate. What got me going today is that he didn't bring home his math packet Wednesday, I wanted to make sure he was prepared for his finals so I was picking him up from school insted of taking the bus to make sure he had everything. I wrote a note sating such, I really should scan or transcribe her response, it was like a OH, OK BTW he doesn't pay attention, plays all day long, doesn't participate in class, But yes he has a 98 average .

Something is wrong, do I need to change my parenting do they need to stimulate him more at school? I had met with the teacher about a month ago, I am a very active parent, I do homework with him every night, quiz him. Heck this morning @ 7:30 I woke him up by asking when was the Liberty bell first rung, why and what happened to it? then went on to what red white and blue represent in the flag (everything related to Fridays final exam) .

I guess what I am really worried about is where this could lead,. This is his foundation, I don't want him to play dumb just to be popular. I am very worried that maybe I am handling it wrong and the results could be catastrophic.

Things are a lot different now, back when I was his age, the nuns or brothers would beat the ever living hell out of us if we looked crooked, let alone spoke out of turn . My parents never had to even raise their voice.

this kid needs to be in an advanced program.... I was bored in school as you were, and he is... always passed the tests with flying colors , but homework and such...was a bore..... I refused to do homework... I thought it was silly , and my test scores would prove I knew the material...I grew up in NY state, and to graduate High School back then (1976) you had to pass the Regents Exams , to get your diploma... My Biology teacher gave me a 2 , thats right , ...lol... a 2 for my grade for the year ,...lol... I passed the biology Regents exam with a 93....lol...he was sooo pissed ! I got my diploma ! lolol

 

[HVAC Cruiser]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

Hi Bubba,
I hhought about monitoring the class, I am not sure who would be more intimidated, my son or the teacher

Hi Stachi,
I do believe you are right with the advanced program but it does not start here till the 5th grade.

I went through the same as you in school, most times in HS I would only go for the tests. I went to Aviation HS in queens which at the time was right up there with Brooklyn tech and The Bronx School of Science. The only thing that saved me was VICA ( Vocational, Industrial Clubs of America) which was club that was national competition in your field. Among your own intellect, special training in school preparing for competition etc .

 

[jonesg]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

I went through the same as you in school, most times in HS I would only go for the tests. .

hehehe, have you told your son that yet ?

 

[HVAC Cruiser]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

hehehe, have you told your son that yet ?

No,No,No,No he will never ever hear that from me LOL in this case its a "Do as I say Not as I've Done" routine LOL

 

[aspeck]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

I do believe you are right with the advanced program but it does not start here till the 5th grade.

Are you sure about that? Do they offer special instruction to underachieving kids? If so, then they have a special education program and need to do it for overachievers as well.. Yolu might want to check into that a little more, and don't accept the schools first answer.

 

[HVAC Cruiser]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

Hi Bob, - Thank you I am trying. I keep thinking the same thing, this is going to take time to correct. Its not like turning on or off a switch this needs to be slow process. I say, regular school is almost over, he is signed up for an advanced learning program this summer lets see what happens there. If he falls in line so to speak ( which I suspect will happen) with the program, the actual problem will be obvious

Hi Art, -I am pretty sure they test for it in the 4th and you go into it in the 5th. My stepdaughter was in the program when she was in that school. from there the program continues through Jr High. Then in HS its the regents program.

This morning we are going back to the cemetery with his cub scout troop to remove the flags we placed last weekend on the graves for Memorial Day. I am hoping the one other boy he gets in trouble with in school is there (he is in the same troop) so I can watch how they interact.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

Of all the posts that I have read, Ladyfish's post I feel has hit the nail on the head. Children that young try to fit in. Many kids that don't excel and struggle tend to find it easier to pick on the smarter ones in their own defense. Those kids probably have many problems at home and don't have a decent parent such as yourself.

I too pushed my son at an early age to learn and do his best. Once he turned 15, he was totally out of my control. He became so smart that he knew what to do to push my buttons and come out ahead. He spent two Christmas seasons in Juvie Hall at the ages 16 and 17. At those ages, he and I could not get along at all. I was trying my best to get him to go in the right direction while all he wanted to do was the opposite. Now he is 24, married, has one child with his wife with one on the way, 3 children with other girls, pays support, maintains a job, and most importantly................We get along great now! No fighting at all. However he does say that he should have followed my directions while at home......Go figure.....Good Luck and be a great Dad, as being a friend and a teacher will not get you the respect in the long run. Childhood does not last long, you got to let them be a kid..

BTW....Drugs do not work and I don't care how many experts say they do. It just puts off problems till future times in my opinion.

 

[HVAC Cruiser]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

Hi SS MAYFLOAT

I agree, She has that woman's insight thing going for her

I really don't push Liam, the kids mind is like a sponge, he usually initiates his learning just like my little 4yo Caity . It's like he craves for knowledge, I was the same at his age I used to read book after book trying to learn more( for me it was technical books and manuals) . I remember reading at like 10yo How to hot rod a small block Chevy and Grumpy Jenkins guide to engine building cover to cover and over and over till I felt like I was there doing it with them. Oops wifey yelling time for lunch lol

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

And as much trouble that you are having with your son, just wait until your daughter hits 15. That is when the fun starts with girls. You will think that the problems you are having with your son is nothing!

 

[aspeck]

Re: Some Parenting Advise with a Rebellious kid

...Oops wifey yelling time for lunch lol

Does Oops know about this???? Because if he didn't before, he does now!!!!!